Posts tagged living

The boy must Know Book!

So, my mum steps out of the car at the market to buy some items.
I’m in the car, I stare at her back.
Every time she gets down from the car without a second thought in order to buy foodstuff regardless of the fact that we’re (my sisters and I) in the car and she could as well send us to buy whatever it is, I’m awed. And she does that sooo often.
I even feel guilty. Grown as I am, I sit in the car. Sighs.
She walks to where the mallam had set up his stand for the fried rice ingredients.
Another woman at the same spot looks away seemingly uninterested while my mom prices the items. From here, I can tell my mum bargains in Hausa language.
When my mum shifts slightly such that her back is turned to the other woman, the seemingly uninterested woman resumes admiring her.
I smirk.
That’s not my focus Today. I only want to capture details.
From this vantage point where I sit in the car,
I see a market woman perched on a bench, her legs on either side of it, as a man would sit.
I take notice of her when my mom, on whom my gaze is fixed, asks “who is crying?” while she gazes lovingly at a young toddler wailing badly. Wailing badly!
It is then I notice the market woman, and I see another boy of about four years of age with her. She leans over a flimsy note book that is spread open on the bench.
Then I begin to hear her when I pay attention “oya, write four, write four!”
The boy, I assume her son, looks at her, no defiance on his face. No expression. He just looks at her.
She hits him.
“write four! ” she says as she raises and keeps her right hand hanging in a position set to hit him. She does hit him again.
” oloshi alabukun omo-ale”
And I gasp.
I know, I know, children are insulted everyday but really what has this boy done?
The boy is now crying. The toddler is also crying. But it’s a market, noise is allowed.
She threatens the four year old that if his tears drop, she would beat him even more.
He keeps crying.
What I see next as I picture an intervention in tones of sepia, is my mum walking up and explaining to the mother why she should cuddle him a bit and tell him to write the number she desires. Maybe teach him again.
We know after rain, comes sunshine right? Surely there must be another way to tackle this crying child.
Yorubas in Nigeria say “ta ba if owo osi na omode, a fi owo otun fa morawhen we use the right hand to discipline a child, we use the left hand to pull him close
As I imagine my mum explaining to the boy’s mother, I imagine the woman flaring up, fed up.
This is Nigeria. To this market woman, her son must “know book” he must become literate. He must drive cars and care for her. He must become more influential than anyone she knows.
This is the way of hope.
So I can imagine the good intentions with which this market woman now orders her son to kneel down.
Without the imagined scenes and tones of sepia, the boy doesn’t kneel down and she doesn’t beat him any longer either. I’m not in the market for much longer to see her(a market woman howbeit a mother)  train her son in the way she thinks best.
This one thing I know, the boy must “know book”.
This brings to mind the words “motherhood”, “education”, and the phrases “financial privilege”, “developing countries”, “a means to an end”.
The boy must know book!
Share your thoughts…

Write Debby, write!

Everybody says “write Debby, write”
If they could, they would write but I find myself in a cage. I know ideas still flood my head, I know I can express them. I know I should make more practice with writing, seek more knowledge on the art of it. But I don’t. I don’t do all that.
Today, someone told me
“don’t be so defensive”. I should discuss with more people. That was in the midst of a conversation which has prompted this post.
I’m having my chamber attachment with a law firm while on holiday. I couldn’t go to the court of Appeal with the group that went today. The cause list in the chamber listed my name under a case in the High court. I was back to the chamber in no time , because in legal parlance, “court did not sit”. It means for some reasons, the judge didn’t come so the case was adjourned.
I sat on an old couch in my old friend’s  office. Old friend, meaning my bunk mate who was in ss3 when I was in jss2. I listened to music, watched some videos and eventually, they came back from court. With the turn of events, I began talking to another church member who came visiting. Same secondary school too, in this case he was in ss3 when I was in Jss1.
I felt at home as the conversation wielded itself. A part of me was surfacing. That part that can jump from topic to topic in discussions without restraint. From law as a profession, to old friends in secondary school, to the marriage of said people, to professional ethics such as networking in Nigeria, to mentors and ambition, to friendship, to the definition of beauty, to how God speaks to man, to books.
The conversation was seamless. Just flowing. I spoke my mind, baring my honest views. I had to answer questions so I searched the archives of my mind.
I revived a part of me. While discussing, I told them my elder sister is my best friend. True that. I’m sooo close to my parents too, we discuss a lot. Casual conversation, serious conversation. Everything. But sometimes… (please picture this last sentence I wrote in a very very small voice that fades away).
Sometimes, other parts of me want to connect literally. Which is why I watch videos on YouTube of conversations between writers. They speak the truth and some of it resonates hard with me. Strikes some chords. I don’t have very many friends who connect with my intellectual writing side.
YouTube videos of conversations between people doesn’t flush out the need for you to speak yourself. So I did so today. And on matters which I rarely discuss with other friends.
At the time of posting this, I’m less excited. But I want to post it because steps to losing yourself has on its to-do list, “keep silent in times like this”.
P. S:  This is about four days after writing the above post but again steps to losing yourself… Right? And innit, it’s news to you even if it isn’t to me;)
Speaking out, having friends, and writing,

A day in Adeola Odutola law library

I spent over ten minutes asking this library attendant to get me a book behind him. Over ten minutes. I was patient. I was being a Christian. I asked politely, simply. He ignored me blatantly yet slyly. He collected money from people who came to renew their library cards and gave them change and checked the list to be sure they had paid, he answered them just as they came up after me.
I felt weird. I felt abused. I was very patient, my voice loud yet small as something inside of me felt more inadequate the longer I waited. There was a guy beside me, who came after me, he asked for a textbook. Library attendant whom I’ve always greeted politely, stood up from his chair, got the book for him, sat back. The same guy asked for another book, the man stood again, got it for him. Before he sat, I asked him to get mine. A girl can never fully know if it’s her gender thats causing the bias. He ignored me, looking at others who came for library card renewal. You get that kind of pretence stance.
Something in the back of my throat knotted. I walked inside the library without the book. Tears were close. For what reason? Thoughts came, because I didn’t use makeup? Because I was polite? What was my offence? Why wasn’t I firmer in demanding when he delayed? Why did I want to cry? Why did I want to cry? Should I have been rude? Why? Why?
I’ll go back. I’ll tell him I demand a textbook. Another of my choice now, I’ve had time to rethink what I want to read. I’ll embrace the knot that formed at the back of my throat. It will speak better things for me in the years to come. I’ve lost a coat. I’m going outside now to offer another.
It’s surprising to me too, but this happened to me.
So what’s your view people?
-on the religious aspect
-On the tears
-and other themes
Fight or flight for you?


We all need to write from a place we get. A familiar place and for that I thought:
God, food, family, quiet
The thing with fasting, she thought, was that it was never fully familiar. You could do it and get used to it on most days but on certain days, it was no respecter of persons. It clubbed and clubbed until the soldiers defending you dropped down their defences and you were under seige. Captured. Your stomach desolate. Burnt down like Jerusalem*.
In this case however you’re not really comforted by knowing a day is coming when you will eat. All your focus is on that moment. That day. Perhaps an opening for a meal will arrive. Can it arrive? You know it won’t. So maybe all the prophecies brought by Isaiah and Jeremiah did not pump up the Israelites. They had lost their glory beyond redemption as they saw it.
But God had a plan.
Dear stomach, on days you’re lost and depressed, God has a plan. Jerusalem was restored. Yaaay people. Yaaay.
* Jerusalem’ capture is recorded in 2 Kings 25 and see Haggai2:9 for the hope for the later house.
N. B: I’m no foodie. I just have to write about the things on my heart, you get it:)?
Though our outer man perishes, our inner man is being renewed. Yaaaay?.
Love and more fasting,
Your girl,

life lately

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii. I’ve been well. Better. I’m shining. How have you been?
Remember my post trigger words? Well I read one of my ‘trigger blogs’ and I knew a post would come up today. Sincerely, I enjoy reading that blog, it’s one of my model blogs.
You see, the thing with lifestyle blogging, is that you’re not perfect. And no one wants to see a perfect blogger in the first place. We want you, and your imperfections, coupled with your efforts. No, we don’t want you when we see no effort. get better. That’s the thing. Work towards being the best version of yourself. The version that doesn’t need ‘editing’ before an audience.
Having said that, lets get right back to the business of the day. I’ve been AWOL. You have kept here, thank you. I value you. I’m back in school and school has it’s own world, if you haven’t heard. I have a lot of responsibilities but I’ve immensely missed being here.
The thing with book review, for we book lovers, is that you get a perspective into the book, you may purchase the book based on the review and even if you don’t, you got to savour another taste for the moment the book review lasted. I love book reviews. I find myself starting to enjoy book reviews on the blog best. However… I find it hard to read anything other than prescribed textbooks for my course of study. *Rolls eye*. I get to steal a chapter or two from some Christian literature each day though.
I just miss getting a book, the feel of the book between your palms and over the next few days or weeks when that book follows you everywhere. In your bag, on your desk, by the gas cooker, on your front porch and every other preposition in relation to you. Does any other person get that feeling?
I’ve read reviews on Yaa Gyasi’s book “homecoming”. Its my new desire. ToBeRead. You could buy it for me too?
Unto other matters, I’m preparing for exams. I enjoy learning about the law with absolutely no pressure attached. Just discovering new principles, exploring what went on in court rooms etc. I pray this exam period however, I won’t suddenly get overwhelmed along the line with how much I still have to cover and “pour down” in the exam hall.
I’ve also been learning so much more about prayers. Reading about it, talking about it and doing it of course.

“satan does not care how many people read about prayer, if only he can keep them from praying” Paul E Billheimer
“prayer is not learned in the classroom but in the closet” E.M Moody

So it’s beyond reading and hearing about it.(or watching it. Cue cue, “war room” movie)
I’ve been eating. I think that’s a crucial part of a person’s existence. I’m just not having fit-fam healthy meals. It’s hard to maintain that as a student. School has it perks though and I’m grateful I’m in school right now.
On that note, that will be all. that’s a brief update. I shall be back soon, hopefully – having massaged more books also.
Till then, keep shining.
Love and happiness,

Primary 4 blue

Early last year, our new secretary(as she then was) told me and my sister, that her own sister said she went to the same primary school as we did and that she knows me,we were seat mates etc. hard soft as I tried, I couldn’t remember her.
Two days ago, you know it, I met her. You see, this indefinite strike from school has had me un-serious all the while. In a bid to focus better on my academics, I decided to go to my parent’s office. I would read there, yes!
No. I did not read there. I did read but certainly not enough.  I did read the following day, at home.
back to the story,this girl(herein after referred to as Mary) saw my sister and first said “Debby! No, this is her younger sister”
“elder sister” she was corrected. Already, I wringed my hands in cluelessness where I was.
“Debby!” my elder sister called. Okay, its time to step out. I did. No. I did not recall her face.
She exclaimed! “Oh you’ve changed. Ah, is this you?”
And I took the awkward gait. I could not remember her. I said so as normally as I could, all the while, feeling like a fish.  I felt the need to be polite and especially sorry for not remembering her. It had never happened to me.I just don’t run into people from primary school, not even secondary school. To be honest, I had set my future ever before me. So when I did tell her that my mind had blocked off recognizing people from so long ago seeing as I don’t run into people frequently because I school in university of Ibadan(excuse! Excuse! Pants on fire), she replied by saying “oh but Ore goes to UI too”
“oh yes yes I see him”
That opened the phase of common factors. I still saw so so so and so recently . “We were both in primary 4 blue, mrs. Kehinde’s class.”she said. yes, yes that is correct but guys, I always thought primary 4 blue was my most vivid recollection of primary school life, oh the shame to be proved wrong. “We were seat mates” how cruel of me, not to remember my seat mate.
Of course it was alright and all. She conversed with her sister. I kept feeling like a fish.
Back at my seat, I wracked my memory and did so over and over. Over and over, till crumbs began to fall into place and pictures shift into light. I pictured a light skinned girl standing somewhere by the seat behind mine with a beret. I think she wore a cardigan often but I didn’t consider this fact, asking-worthy. I faintly remembered having had three seating partners, yes.
My friend Cynthia who was transferred to another class then this Mary then Foyinsola.
Guys, I was ecstatic.
My overly active senses still kept picking up on her discussion with her sister while I imagined myself going out again before she left,i imagined  where I would stand so she doesn’t see my skirt doesn’t fit my blouse as she hadn’t seen it the first time, praise God. I pictured which sentence I would say before the other.
“I remember now! They moved Cynthia to primary 4 green then you sat beside me. You were very light. You still are light of course. Then eventually Foyinsola sat beside me. Wow. I remember”
When she was leaving, it didn’t exactly work out like that. I told her I remembered her though. She used to be quiet. We discussed about a few others in primary school before she left. The good part, she didn’t later see the skirt.
That day, my senses were really active. My strike life previously had been monotonous, seeing the same people daily. I had missed the small time shame and guilt you feel for not remembering someone even when they did a year  earlier just having heard your name.
That day, as I walked with my sister, I told her the truth “I don’t think anyone that was in that my class primary 4 blue would forget me, i did lots of things” but in that moment, most of the seats I pictured in my head were filled with black moles, the faces, the names blocked out. Maybe forever. Maybe just for a while, then I would feel part-time time guilt and shame again. Then my senses will be alive in apology. Maybe try as I may I wont recall their faces.

KNOW THE BLOGGER–100 tag questions(part1)

Heyy guys. In line with this bloggers tag questions I saw, i’ll be answering some questions.

  1. do you sleep with your closet doors opened or closed? I could do anyone. I do have a thing for lines and symmetry though so I’d rather it closed
  2. Do you take shampoos and conditioners from hotels? Either i do forget them or I’d have too small a bag to fit them in. mostly it’s toilet soap and tissue in the hotels I go to, never shampoos and conditioner. I don’t think it’s necessary for toilet paper and soap. Is it?
  3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? Always always tucked in. I never leave my room no matter how late I am, with my sheets tucked out neither can I go to sleep with it tucked out. Something about as you lay your bed so you lie on it, works for me
  4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before? Nope
  5. Do you like to use post-it notes? I think it’s cute but I don’t use it. I consider it messy unless you can post it neatly.
  6. Do you cut out coupons but never use them? Ahh no coupons for me over here. I live in Nigeria.
  7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees? A big bear. i always have a fear of things I cannot control. Sorry but I can’t control a swarm of bees because they’re going to come at me from all angles and try getting in my head to confuse me. Imagine the sting. The pain, from all over. A bear on the other hand, no that’s wrong, a big bear on the other hand, I will probably have an overdrive of adrenaline that might push me to make a decision which we can never tell, might pay off. I’ve never been faced with a big bear but i do make extremely brilliant decisions in moments of danger and panic. I’m really not tooting my own horn, just giving you a long epistle on why I will go for a big bear rather than bees.
  8. Do you have freckles? No
  9. Do you always smile for pictures? I wish. I do not always smile for pictures. I mostly smile. There was a time I used to smile that far-reaching smile where your whole being lights up and your face wrinkles with the laughter. these days however, I barely even take pictures. *Sighs*
  10. What is your biggest pet peeve? I don’t know my ‘biggest’ pet peeve. Perhaps cunningness.
  11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Nooooooooo why would i?
  12. Have you ever peed in the woods? Lol, just the woods? Yes yes and yes
  13. What about pooped in the woods? Ah, there you have it. No no and no
  14. Do you ever dance even if there is no music playing? On the average, no. when I’m feeling goofy and probably with family, yes.
  15. Do you chew your pens and pencil? No
  16. How many people have you slept with this week? None
  17. What size is your bed? I don’t know, big. You get that average size that a normal human uses, yes.
  18. What is your song of the week? None really. Worship just springs out of my mouth
  19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink? It’s okay. Probably just depend on the shade of it and the context in which it is worn
  20. Do you still watch cartoons? Considering I don’t know when last I did, no.
  21. What’s your least favourite movie? I don’t know. It’s definitely out of my head, thank God.
  22. Where will you bury hidden treasure if you had some? And now why would I tell you?
  23. What do you drink with dinner? Water, fruit drink, soft drink, wine…
  24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Ketchup really
  25. What is your favourite food? To think I should be good at answering this question by now, considering I’ve always been asked since perhaps nursery school. I’ve moved from pounded yam, to chicken and chips to fried rice, to toast bread to amala and ewedu. One thing I know for sure is I can’t function for very long without my African dishes.
  26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love? Interesting Christian movies, interesting motivational movies, interesting love stories.
  27. Last person you kissed/kissed you? I’ve never kissed nor been kissed
  28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout? I had an inclination towards girls brigade at some point but we changed church at that point and that was the end.
  29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? No
  30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? That would be a really really long time ago
  31. Can you change the oil on a car? No, I wouldn’t even know what to open.
  32. Ever gotten a speed ticket? Noooooooo
  33. Ever ran out of gas? Noooooooo
  34. Favourite kind of sandwich? Just put all the loveables inside, I don’t mind.
  35. Best thing to eat for breakfast? Oats and fruits
  36. What is your usual bedtime? 12 midnight. Take or subtract a few minutes
  37. Are you lazy? I used to be
  38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up for halloween? I never even reckoned Halloween
  39. What is your Chinese astrological sign? Yoda yoda yoda…lets move on
  40. How many languages can you speak? I guess two. English, Yoruba. I can greet you and make really super small talk in Hausa and French.
  41. Do you have any magazine subscription? Online, yes
  42. Which are better legos or Lincoln logs? I’m lost
  43. Are you stubborn? No
  44. Who is better…leno or letterman? option E
  45. Ever watch soap operas? Yes, nothing much to them for me
  46. Are you afraid of heights? Of a sort
  47. Do you sing in the car? depends
  48. Do you sing in the shower? absolutely
  49. Do you dance in the car? with my family? With my friends? Yes. Otherwise, no
  50. Ever used a gun? hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Did you get to peek a little into my mind? I considered answering 5o questions is enough for a blog post. I will answer the remaining 50 questions soon in another blog post. Till then, stay blessed and feel free to tag me to answer some questions.

Lips sealed


And because I saw this post I had typed and left out to dry. Sometimes you really don’t need to disagree in words. For a trailer-load of reasons. If you care to know I could write a post on it. You just really don’t have to always voice out disagreement. With that, I leave you to read.

In those moments when their happiness breaks the silence and rings aloud
Do you feel wrong for ever despising them?
Do you ever feel satisfied for having indulged them and having kept silent
Silent in times when your whole being was yawning to correct, to dispute
Debby Adebayo


Happy valentines day. Personally I feel if I go down the valentine line, I’ll be unoriginal to myself. I guess when it comes to tips, meaning, style and even how to spell valentine, you’re already swarmed from the left and right. However I can generously help with the spelling. V-A-L-E-N-T-I-N-E.
so moving on to the photographs of this past week.
On Sunday I went to my alma matter.  My younger sister resides in the boarding house.  My family went to greet her. I took this photo of one of the classrooms.
On Monday I went to my place of work for the last time.  This holiday I was attached to a law chamber for a month.  It was a rewarding period.  I learnt.  I learnt beyond law, I learnt a little of just what it might take to work in the corporate world. I learnt to assess people’s disposition to work and to justice.

The curtain in office. I love the turn-out

On Tuesday I took normal pictures at home.  I decided to play with one of them and turn it to something nice.  I love the cool aura the picture gives off
Beyond a watermelon

On Wednesday I was stepping out the front door at home and I thought to capture some of the flowerpot on the verandah. Hopefully when I’m at school I will be more outdoorsy.
Thursday was my parent’ wedding anniversary. We had dinner and I ordered poundo yam with Egusi and fish.  It’s my elder sister’s Chinese rice that’s caught at the edge of the picture.
Qon Friday I took a picture of one wall frame in my house. For the love of art.
Friday came and I was stranded so I did the lazy thing. I won’t feed you with  pictures of shower later on. 🙈. I pinky promise.
It won't happen again

I think it’s been a journey. I hope you enjoyed sharing some of what I fed my eyes on during the week.
Whatever suggestions and comments you might have kindly type it below. I will get better at this. Do you find yourself sweeping through each day of your life without saving memories? They don’t have to be flawless because even our memory isn’t flawless. I’d love to hear from you.  Do Comment.
                           Pictures and love,
Debby Adebayo


It’s been a full week really. I’m still excited. Last week Sunday was my sister’s birthday. I spent two nights in her hostel. It was a blessed and fun time. I ate a lot. I had to read too as I had exam the following day. A big exam as it were. On Monday my exam was a success. I began to prep for my exam the following day again. My prep was short-lived as I slept. Hmm, the exam was fine naw. Anyway happiness, freedom. Exam period is such a drag. It’s fun when you get the hang or gist of the topic but when you consider how much you have to do, ugh. Plus if you sleep at the rate I do, mehn…
that Tuesday I had also helped my friend, Olola, our fellowship colporteur sort through the books and attach price tags, arranging them neatly in big ghana must go bags. I settled to eat indomie at night.
Wednesday I woke up a free man. Had my devotion, flexed in my room till time for carol which I probably over-killed in my imagination and anticipation. At a point I wanted to just check my phone browse through apps but Christ wouldn’t let me. The devotion I put to IVCU service must be equal to that when children sing in a church, no matter how boring, otherwise it isn’t Christ I reverence in IVCU services. Hmm, don’t I just love when God says something like that. I missed home o. my home church! We had IVCU service afterward.
Thursday I was up at it early, from TKP office to all over school. Night time we had finalist commissioning in my hostel. It was amazing, I thank God. Then a vigil, I was sooo fagged out. Ah! I was glad I went anyway, fatigue musn’t come in the way. Friday I was all over school again and down to TKP office( THE KINGDOM PROJECT), touching lives at Christmas is only so close. I had to buy food out two times. I never really do that. Time to get to the market. I had a vigil again. It’s actually a continuation of the Thursday night retreat. I had EXCOS meeting for a while. In my hostel I did a number of things before God caused a deep sleep to fall upon me, mehn…
End of that gist. Permit me to tell you, Saturday was basically absent in my calendar. I woke up and kept checking the window to be sure I could see well. My phone was dead.
Today is Sunday. I envision so much already. Issoorait. All in God’s hands eh.
Do have a blessed week