Posts in Educative

Dear Mentee || What you should know about the word think-tank

…and other English words.


So I have this leading to start a segment where I write what’s desperately on my heart. Obviously, that’s what the entire blog is for, but this is different. On the blog, I’m addressing myself, addressing my future children and grandchildren, addressing you and your uncles and neighbours. This segment though is addressing my mentees or proteges, if you’ll like. The things that I desperately want to pass on to the younger ones (not only age wise) that’s what I’ll write here. They are some of the life tips I’ll tell my younger ones who come to sit beside me at night and say “advise me. Tutor me”. Its a broad range of advice too.


This post has nothing major to do with the word think-tank, but it has everything to do with my attitude to the word.
I was reading someone’s profile on LinkedIn just now and I saw a reference made to a think-tank that she set up. I would’ve skipped over it since I had the basic understanding that it meant an initiative – an intellectual initiative. But I didn’t skip over it. I barely ever do. Words that I manage to question a bit in my head, I head over to my phone’s dictionary and do a crosscheck. I strongly believe this is a proper attitude to learning.

Make a habit of this and you’ll become so familiar with the words you already know including their context. What’s more? You’ll also become perceptive of the meaning of mere expressions of words you’ve never even heard of.
You’re welcome.

By the way, Think-Tank:

“(idiomatic) A group of people who collectively perform research and develop reports and recommendations on topics relating to strategic planning or public policy, and which is usually funded by corporate, government, or special interests.”

Notice how I largely fell short of the meaning earlier and the disadvantage of brushing over it.
Okay, Mentee, that’ll be it for today.

P.s: If you have recommendations of some great dictionaries for android, please let me know.

Till next time,
Debby.

Dear Mentee || The HolyGhost and Sleep

So I have this leading to start a segment where I write what’s desperately on my heart. Obviously, that’s what the entire blog is for, but this is different. On the blog, I’m addressing myself, addressing my future children and grandchildren, addressing you and your uncles and neighbours. This segment though is addressing my mentees. The things that I desperately want to pass on to the younger ones (not only age wise) that’s what I will write here. They are the things I’ll tell my younger ones who come to sit beside me at night and say “advise me. Tutor me”.

Today, what’s on my heart is “your sensitivity to the Holyghost”.

I have been in meetings where the Holyspirit woke me from sleep to attend them. I have been in meetings I left for in the rain because my spirit was restless. None of those meetings have been in vain. I have been sleeping in vigils – on two distinct occasions, when the Holyspirit woke me up and said ‘Its time’. It always was time.*

I would’ve missed some blessings, had the Holyspirit not tugged at my heart till I gave.

Friend, you need this thing. Its called divine ordering of steps. The Holyspirit does it!! He did it for Philip and it is forever recorded for Philip that he led that Ethiopian Eunuch to Christ and many others through that means. Its seen in the entirety of Jesus’ life – He lived in sync with what he received from heaven. Don’t be blind to the spirit’s move per time.

If in your spirit, you never have the prompts, develop your sensitivity to the holyghost. Start first by having a relationship with him. These steps may help:

  • Tell him you want to be best friends
  • Study your bible and pray in the spirit
  • Read books (like those on Kathryn Kuhlman) and listen to ministers like Benny Hinn. These people because they have had wonderful relationships with him and teach us how to.

He is a person and he wants to be more real to you, than your friend is, than I am too.

That’s it for today. Do not miss out when others are getting help through this very means – let the spirit order your steps.

Till next time, mentee.

I remain Debby.

  • Because you’re my mentee, I’ll tell you bluntly : If you like, go around vigils sleeping, waiting for the Holyspirit to tell you its time, you go sabi.

TED talks, TEDx Talks; My Experience

I’ve learnt A LOT from TED talks over time. The acronym TED stands for Technology, Entertainment and Design. TED is a media organization that posts talks online for free distribution. The media conferences began in 1984 and 2006, they started posting online for the world to view. These talks are designed to spread ideas which are worth knowing. The talks are given in 18 minutes or less. They must also be free from political and religious beliefs.
Over time it expanded from technology, design and entertainment into talks in all disciplines without border.
Frankly, it helps broaden your perspective, shows you what’s possible and propels you to think, which ultimately enlightens your worldview.

In 2009, TEDx started. X = independently organized TED talks. This way, these talks can be organized locally in every community(subject to TED’S licence) to spread ideas by speakers who are knowledgeable in that industry.
I’m a new member of the Tedx team in UI. TedxUI is pretty new, it started two years ago . I initially thought this post was mostly going to be about our event that held last week Saturday but I’ve found out I barely have anything to really write about that. Will I tell you of how it was a little physically exhausting for the team members, or do I tell you of our initial wardrobe T-Shirt malfunction for the event, or I simply tell you how a speaker I looked forward to hearing wasn’t around, or do I tell you that Simi the popular singer was around, or do I tell you how the breakdown of our itinerary for the day went?

I wouldn’t dare to tell you of each speaker’s talk because that would be such a tasking job now, wouldn’t it? I tried it for this blog post actually, but it didn’t work. However, we intend to have these talks on Youtube soon and you’ll be able to watch them and learn from them.


My best speaker during this event was Ogunbowale Olugbenga. In my books and in that of a friend, this speaker got the concept of a TED talk down to the tee, unlike some others. He brought an idea on how banter can save our lives. He shared the idea using his personal story on discovering he had scoliosis. It was enlightening in all regard.
You want more clarity on TED talks? check the official website. Better still, the best way to really know about it some more? Watch TED videos – they’re everywhere on youtube. And interestingly, there’s a specialized application for it too. Its similar to youtube but its purely TED talks.


Now I’d love to give you my all-time favourite Ted talks and Tedx talks but lol, I’ve forgotten which ones were my best, I simply gleaned ideas from them. However out of the deep love I have for you, I went scouting through over two hundred videos In my youtube history to handpick a few you may start with. My areas of interest may be vastly different from yours and so these may not be your best exposure to TED talks(but I hope they are).
Have a blast.
1. Listening to shame
Others(in no particular order)
10 ways to have a better conversation
My year of saying yes to everything
Change your life by overcoming your fears
Teach girls bravery not perfection
Why we have too few women leaders
How Africa can use its traditional knowledge to make progress
Don’t ask where I’m from, ask where I’m a local
We should all be feminists
If I should have a daughter
Being the real me without apology
How to make stress your friend
Love and light,

Debby.

Ways I keep the word of God bubbling in my heart

Hello fam! It’s Debby.
I felt slightly strange all week long when I didn’t put out another post on Wednesday. A week interval felt like a long time as I had gotten used to two posts a week. Mine! Glad I’m here now though. Students and Examsssssss!
Today, I’m interested in telling you all about how to keep God’s word in your heart. Does it really stay in the heart? And I’m not talking about being able to quote them. I’m talking of all-through-the-day meditation and application.
I’ll be going about it by telling you the things that work for me. They aren’t exclusive and I’ll like to know what other suggestions you have in the comment box.



1. Sincerity: I like to think I’m super sincere with God. I try to be. I tell him I’ve been finding bible-study difficult. I don’t pray because I’ve been told to, I pray because prayer is communing with him. You know how you’ll be glad to keep up communication with someone you’ll love to have as a mentor, someone who’s the buzz of your industry. If she/he spares you five minutes, you won’t use only two out of those five. You’ll even ask questions you already have answers to, just to keep them talking. God is so much greater than my inspiration or the next big thing. It’s a privilege to keep up the communication line with this brilliant artist, scientist, advocate, technician, teacher and more all in one. Whoa God.
So really it’s a privilege and you should try it. Prayer isn’t boring (once you get past the first few minutes, sometimes). Talk to him about your disinterest in reading the bible. You don’t have to start the conventional way, nor use verbose language, No. Communicate with Jesus.
He’s ready to help ‘‘God, I don’t feel like reading my bible o. I just feel like browsing. Smh for me right? Let’s try audio bible or what do you say…?’’. From my experience, before you’re through with your dialogue (don’t have your heart set on a monologue), you’ll have answers through a scripture that flashes by your heart or through sudden strength to read the bible. Be sincere. God is more interested in speaking to you through his word than you are even interested.
2. Listen to audio bible: This! I learnt it from both my parents especially my mum.
My first beautiful trial of this was through my campus fellowship. I was in 200level or maybe 100. The bible study team gave us the audio bible – “The bible experience” to foster our reading through the New Testament in a short time frame. I enjoyed it! Listening and reading the same translation simultaneously is epic. It always transported me. Subsequently, I’ve used it a lot. You also need this and not some ‘boring’ audio bible narration. I’ve listened to some that are slightly unbelievable in how dull the narrators are. “The bible experience’’ gives you different voices for each character and another for the narrator, all the background sounds are also mirrored e.g If it says Jesus went to the market place, you’ll hear market chatter. I recommend it.

3. Messages: I can’t say this enough I guess. Messages are wonderful because the preachers tell you from the sincerity of their hearts what they’ve understood over many years. You’re able to stand on their shoulders.
Truth is, you get the most of a message by repetitive listening and not just one time.
And as good as messages are, if you listen to many messages without studying your bible yourself, you may start to get confused. Why use the secondary source when you have the primary? What messages are to do is aid your comprehension of God’s word, help apply what you know in theory to everyday life, also give you theological perspectives etc.
4. Sticky notes: If you’re cool with using sticky notes, please do it. Paste them by your worktable. As long as you sit there, you see the memory verse smiling down on you. When I don’t want sticky notes to litter the whole place(which I never want), I write them in little papers like the one below and rotate them often. One stays on top for some days.

Put it as your phone’s wall paper like mine currently is:

just stick it around you. That’s why God’s instruction to the Israelites was:

“never forget these instructions that I am giving you today. Teach them to your children. Repeat them when you are at home and when you are away, when you are resting and when you are working. Tie them on your arms and wear them on your foreheads as a reminder. Write them on the doorposts of your houses and on your gates.’’ Deut 6:6-9

5. Make it your hobby: what do I mean by this? Don’t waste a moment. Since I got in the university I don’t suppose I’ve wasted the time used in re-organizing my wardrobe – I tend to do this quite frequently because, there’s no space 😊.
Every single time, I click on ‘play all’ for whichever book I choose, often the gospels and I begin to hear Jesus instruct his disciples. I follow him through the synagogue and down to his meeting the centurion. Its an experience really. I recommend this. Never let a moment for rearranging your wardrobe or folding your clothes go to waste – seeing you’ve read this blog post. Again I warn, never fold clothes for nothing.
Listen to a message when you’re cooking. I was telling two friends yesterday that I’m afraid those on the same floor with me would soon dub me ‘the message girl’. Every time I’m washing plates, I listen. Every time I’m cooking, I listen. That way, one point sticks and I get to meditate on it all night long. My mind has no free moment since I give it no choice. It picks up the things I’ve listened to and ponders. Try it; give your mind a new task!
That’s it! Basic but timeless. I remind myself of these things too when I start to slack off.
What do you use? Help us grow!

Love and Peace,
Debby.

Therapists; To have or not to have? (2)

Hello precious people. I hope you’re doing fine.
If you haven’t read the preceding part of this post, its here, and it’s crucial to reading this one.
I love the idea of a therapy session. Yep.
But perhaps what I’m really saying is: I love the idea of being listened to. Listened to in a clean space, listened to without expectations or assumptions, and without any need on my part to be comported.
Perhaps what I’m really saying is I like the idea of listening to a quiet voice making me think and reconsider my ways. Why did you throw that birthday party last week? Think.
The alternative title for this post would’ve been ”The therapist within”.
Ravi Zacharias is an Amarican-Canadian-Indian Christian apologist. He has this podcast on his websitelet my people think”. Like I wrote in this blog post on logic and religion, God is not averse to your thinking. He isn’t intimidated by it. Can you then rule Him out of being the brilliant therapist telling you “think” ?
The book of John 14: 26 says I will send you the comforter(the holyspirit).
I think this is so much more cooler, having the therapist within. I don’t need one hour in a week to be asked questions or to ramble. I can; all day, all the time. My call.
I found that the list of things in the previous blog post that make me find therapy desirable are boxes that can be ticked by the Holyspirit.
Comfy office? Yes. What’s the state of my heart?
Me time: you don’t say. He’s absolutely selfless, he lets me run the show talking to him all the time, He’s never bored or irritated by my opinion, even when they’re immature.
Silence? Haha. He’s the king of it. In quietness and assurance shall my people be. I’m so so serious, the Holyspirit in me appreciates quietness. Times of reflection.
Deep: don’t get me started. He throws me punch lines many times. Heart-piercing ones. He just knows my buttons and keeps me gobsmacked by his sheer brilliance through a simple statement.
After-feeling: joy. Pure joy. For me, I’m often singing after. It’s like I start to remember songs I learnt in my childhood because I’m so relieved by our therapy sessions. He helps me close old-chapters in my life and I report people to him too.
Stranger: No. But wanting a stranger is really all about the perks that come with it, and I find them in him too. He won’t get biased.
My people, he helps with burn-outs too and severe bouts of depression and other mental illnesses. He’s a friend who sticks closer than a brother. I’m so proud to say I have the inner therapist. You should try him out. I’m actually happy.
The holyspirit is real. He’s not wind, water, oil or fire. He’s not an influence. He is a person, my personal person. He’s my lover. He puts a smile on my face. Sometimes I instigate lovers quarrel but he’s always right at my door with a bouquet of roses singing our song.
He hears me out and makes me better.
Does he charge per hour? What’s the billing rate?
We’re talking acceptance of Jesus here John 1:12. Upon salvation, every Christian receives him.

Ephesians 1: 13 GOD’S WORD Translation (GWT)
You heard and believed the message of truth, the Good News that he has saved you. In him you were sealed with the Holy Spirit whom he promised

After which, you yield to him more and more. Spend time with him for a robust relationship and you’ll see him do all that and more.
He’s the therapist who lives within. Any time, any day.
THERAPISTS; to have or not to have? This one is a must-have.
Side note: The Holyspirit residing in you doesn’t rule out the need for counselling sessions or therapy, as the circumstances of the case may warrant. Some churches provide counselling sessions. Read this post for brilliant consideration of the fact that they aren’t mutually exclusive of each other.

As always, I like to know your thoughts. Therapy or nah?
Much love,
Debby.

THERAPISTS; to have or not to have (1)

My passive preoccupation for some time has been on the subject of therapists.
Therapy. Therapist.
I planned that after turning it over in my mind a few more times, I’ll put up a post.
Tonight, I’m envisioning the million things I need to do tomorrow and in all that, I remember my thoughts on therapy.
Some people perhaps at the sight of the word ”therapist”, without thinking, they say ‘God forbid’. That’s cool. God forbid.
It’s just that therapy is broader than the narrow stream you’ve perceived it to be while watching T.V.

A therapist’s goal is to help patients make decisions and clarify their feelings in order to solve problems. Therapists provide support and guidance, while helping patients make effective decisions within the overall structure of support.
Source: all psychology schools

What I fancy about therapy appointments, even though I’ve never been to any one are:

  • The comfy offices. They probably have tips for interior designs peculiar to their profession. You do know that your dwelling place affects your mental health, right? It does. I may one day do a post on that, it does.
  • The fact that you can have me-time. You can just talk and talk and you’ll be listened to and listened to. Intriguing right? You’re not careful to not dominate the conversation, rather it’s all yours to dominate. You’re sure the therapist isn’t thinking let this girl finish her statement so I can share my own woes too.
  • The fact that silence is allowed. I don’t understand this restless urge by people to constantly fill silence. Silence isn’t always a void. It doesn’t have to be filled. A little quiet please.
  • The fact that you’re prodded by the littlest of statements. A soft-spoken question can give you time to pull up the fibres of your mind. This is opposed to the rushed living and suppressed emotions most people daily engage in. Here, careful, minimal, conscious living is at work.
  • You leave feeling better because you’re able to close old chapters in your life. You’re able to analyze your relationship with everyone that matters to you. To voice out, for perhaps the first time, all the positive and negative things you think about a person’s character and you don’t have to be careful doing it. (you get what I mean or you don’t? that you love a person doesn’t mean it’s everything about them that sparkles to you. You are permitted to have candid and accurate opinions on your friends and family).
  • You have someone who Is not entangled with your everyday life and living ( a stranger), get into your mind. No expectations from them. No judgements. No need to compose yourself. Compose, bawo?

I’m smiling just thinking of what I’ve written.
Or you’re still waiting for the punch line? Sighs, this is it really. Up there. Put in two words: Reflection time.
Not all therapists can provide you with what I just listed. No. no.
But I think its worth considering. I think therapy just advocates for simple and wholesome living. Yes, you’re a successful and busy investment banker but in your one hour a week, you get to just slow down, keep quiet and wonder why you really threw yourself a birthday party last week. Think on your motivations.
Perhaps since the start of this post, you’ve been thinking that Debby is just talking sha. She doesn’t know those who see therapists see them for serious reasons like mental illnesses and that they pay a lot. You probably whispered the mental illnesses part.
I don’t think mental illness should be whispered. It’s a thing. In Africa, we now recognize it and are starting to care for it, good. But you must understand that a number of people who get depressed, for example, are those who have suffered from burn-outs repeatedly.
Burn-out? Sounds familiar? It means to tire, due to overwork; or to extinguish due to lack of fuel. Occasionally most of us get burned out then pick up again. I think some don’t pick-up and due to tangled emotions and heavy workload, they may eventually get depressed. In light of that, do you now see why the little things matter and are worth discussing? Perhaps in therapy?
You are important so little things that affect you count in the grand scheme of things.
You still don’t think so? okay, share your thoughts.
Like I said, I’ve never been to a therapist, this is my imagination canvassing for it. But perhaps I’m also saying something more and for lack of space, this would be continued in the concluding part of this therapy discussion coming up on Wednesday. I hope you’ll be around to read it.

Love,
Debby.

The danger of the single story perspective of your life

The single story.
It was the holiday season. The sun had set and evening calm descended upon the neighbourhood. The campus boys in the compound behind weren’t playing obnoxiously loud music. There hadn’t been any football matches during the day either; football matches that often sent their ball flying into our compound which, depending on the mood of our dogs, were licked, deflated or ignored.
My mum and elder sister were the only ones in the house with me. We were at the dinning table, probably one of those days when mum had just gotten back and we were gisting while she ate her dinner. It was a slow evening so I hadn’t told Emil to switch on the generator yet.
The soft glow from the solar-powered lamp illuminated the white walls.
The subject of our conversation must’ve flowed around perspectives for I ran upstairs to fetch my mini-laptop.
I remember setting it down on the table and clicking on Chimamanda’s Ted talk – “The danger of the single story.” – for both of them to watch.
I remember the pride that soared in my heart as Chimamanda’s steady and knowing voice filled the silence in the house.
Chimamanda’s talk on the single story is acclaimed one of the most-widely watched ted talks on youtube with 3.7 million views.
What was she saying in that talk?
How do I summarise that brilliance into a few lines here? I’d rather quote excerpts and urge you to watch the video here:

“I come from a conventional middle-class Nigerian family, and so we had, as was the norm, live-in domestic help who would often come from nearby rural villages. So the year I turned eight, we got a new houseboy. His name was Fide. The only thing my mother told us about him was that his family was very poor. And when I didn’t finish my dinner, my mother would say, finish your food, don’t you know people like Fide’s family have nothing? So I felt enormous pity for Fide’s family.
But one Saturday, we went to his village to visit, and his mother showed us a beautifully patterned basket, made of dyed raffia, that his brother had made. I was startled. All I had heard about them was how poor they were, so that it had become impossible for me to see them as anything else but poor. Their poverty was my single story of them.”

She also tells of her previous single story opinion of Mexicans.
Also, her roommates disposition to her when she was 19 and new in the U.S.

If I had not grown up in Nigeria, and if all I knew about Africa were from popular images, then I too would think that Africa was a place of beautiful landscapes, beautiful animals and incomprehensible people fighting senseless wars, dying of poverty and AIDS, unable to speak for themselves, and waiting to be saved by a kind, white foreigner. I would see Africans in the same way that I as a child had seen Fide’s family

…all of these stories make me who I am but to insist on only these negative stories is to flatten my experience and overlook the many other stories that form me. The single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue but they are incomplete, they make one story become the only story”

Why am I bringing this up?
It’s easy for anyone on my campus fellowship who knows me as a spirit-filled sister to think all that there is to me is something fellowship-related once I’m through with classes. It’s easy for them to think I have no opinion on politics or assume I don’t read novels. assumptions.
It’s easy for someone to view the president of my fellowship as spiritkoko and not know that he likes football, a whole lot at that, or that the P.R.O of the fellowship has a sister who models in the U.S. I’m just painting a picture. We have lives, full lives. Those lives are often viewed through the lenses of sister and brother sososo, that’s okay once your lenses admit that generally, everyone is an human being and Jesus is happy about that.
Not the single story of ”I only see X in fellowship, and X is a student, therefore brother X is made up of classes and fellowship time”.
Single story. The danger of this single story is that brother X starts to live an insecure and people-conscious life.

“…The single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue but they are incomplete, they make one story become the only story”

Essentially, you must know everyone is a person and persons are subject to idiosyncrasies and a full world of ideas and passions. That your prayer secretary may be nursing the ambition to be the next governor of Oyo state(and it might not make him any less spiritual than if he’d been hoping to be the next missionary). Everyone is a person and Jesus loves them like that, Jesus planted a huge number of those passions in their hearts and Jesus is happy to see them bloom. Jesus doesn’t think they should only pray in fellowship. Jesus supports your vice-president going to the gym.
I believe when you accept it about yourself, you’re able to accept it about others too. Then you’ll stop feeling quite ashamed when someone you’ve mentored spiritually discovers you do something other than study and pray. I was self-conscious for a while until God helped me out of it.
Or worse still, you’ll stop feeling ashamed when someone knows a member of your family isn’t born again. I mean, what? Shame?
Dear friend, live, breathe, bloom, blossom. You’re more than one perspective. The single story is just that, – single.
Tell your own story. Be your own person. Own your story.

so that is how to create a single story, show a people as one thing, as only one thing over and over again, and that is what they become”.

What do you think? Care to share?

Freedom and light,
Debby

Hello Strong Friend.

Hello precious people. Welcome back to this space. How’s life going? I really want to know, feel free to ramble away on how life is going in the comment box. I also advise you learn to journal some of your thoughts down, it helps to analyze your feelings. I don’t do so everyday but for the days that I do, it’s amazing.
Today, I’m sharing part of what I wrote down last year and I was suprised to re-read this year.
I wrote this sometimes last year:

God, I want to cry.
I so want to cry that I can’t type. I just want to cry on someone. For being so strong for so long, I want to cry. I just want to cry for everyday that’s gone by. I want to cry.
My lecturer cried in class today and it’s broken something inside of me, I just want to cry.
I got to IVCU fellowship office today, and in the outer office, I heard some of my friends’ voices inside. I didn’t want to go in because I would have to be strong in front of them.
Since when did that start? Friends you can’t cry in front of?
Friends you can’t break your walls in front of.
Am I like that to other people?

The structure of my campus fellowship’s office is basic: you step into a room, call it your reception area. Then there’s a door leading to a store by your right. Still in the ‘reception’ area, there’s a door in front of you that leads to what we often refer to as “the inner office” or inner court (in reference to the Jewish temple).
The walls are made of thin wood, and it’s really just dividing one big office. You can understand that the voices carry.
The context: That day, my lecturer had cried in class and it surprised me, surprised everyone. But it did something more to me, it made me want to cry. I had something to do at my fellowship immediately after my class and I hadn’t cried yet 😀.
Discussion: It’s alright if I didn’t want to break down in front of more than one person but the real issue was the thought that flashed by my mind making me think I had to be strong in front of people.
Strong. Strong? Who is strong please? Such a relative word. Truth is there is more strength in vulnerability than in ‘bold face’.

Since when did that start? Friends you can’t cry in front of?
Friends you can’t break your walls in front of.
Am I like that to other people?

The real question was whether I had friends who would turn away rather than cry in front of me. I’m not talking of general acquaintances. The few and deliberate friends.

Cornelius Lindsey, I referred to him in this blog post, put this picture up on instagram. A part of his caption says:

“To be the strong friend is a desirable position because it means you’re valuable and useful.
Unfortunately strength turns to weakness when it’s used without rest and replenishment. That’s why it’s important for strong friends to have true friends who s/he can be honest with when asked “HOW ARE YOU?”
So strong friend, don’t hide behind pride! Answer honestly for your own sake. I know you help others, but you need help too.”

It’s got two aspects. Check on your strong friends selflessly.
Two, allow yourself to be checked on. Don’t turn back. Go in. No pride allowed here.
There’s a saying that goes:

“Good friends never let their friends cry alone”.

I tell my friends ‘make me a good friend please, don’t cry alone’. Na beg I beg.
A problem shared is a problem half solved. Be deliberate about your friends. Don’t just let friendship happen to you. “We’re in the same group, so we’re friends; we work together, so we’re friends“. That’s cool on a surface level but you must have friends you can tell the brutal truth. Brutal, being the emphasis.
My message to you: Choose your friends, then trust them.

Truthfully,
Debby.
Go on ahead, how are you doing?

Affirmations; in honour of the girl who believed in my lawyerly skills

I have noticed that there’s so much shaming, people-bashing or deliberate subbing and shading of our fellows. I say our fellows because there’s a bond there. You are forced to consider that they aren’t just ‘others’. They’re just like you. Sincerely.
Why the attitude?
I’m certain we’ve all heard it said once or twice that someone else’s candle being lit doesn’t stop yours from shining. You have to understand that.
Another psychological cause I can think of is this: maybe we all really feel slightly flawed, so when we see some other person being proven as a flawed individual, it assails our troubled minds. They say misery loves company, right? It probably makes you feel you’re not the blackest of the sheep. Perhaps human nature revels in that.
Or what exactly?
Whatever it is that it is the cause, I’m certain giving off an attitude isn’t the way forward. Are you familiar with the phrase ”pay it forward?”. Simply put, any good thing you do today to help others, indirectly has a way of helping you tomorrow. So, help someone.
How?
Try by being more conscious of those around you and offering something positive rather than offering nothing.
Examples:

  • Give them the opportunity to do things you never got the opportunty to do (this may be hard but you have to.)
  • Be totally honest with them both in praises and in criticism. I, for one, can always tell when a criticism is coming from the right place and it goes to show you believe in my capacity to do better.
  • Tell people when you think they’re doing something courageous or have something extraordinary.
  • Speak with(not at) peope. It gives people a sense of worthiness. In other words, let people’s opinions count with you. You’re not the boss of the world. Listen.
  • Appreciate the efforts of someone significantly younger than you or a child. You rarely know it, but it goes a long long way. It’s an “Endorsement from above” lol. Try it, you’ll see, there’s pleasure in strengthening the resolve of someone younger.
  • Show kindness to a stranger (someone who can’t repay you).

Affirm people during conversations ( it shows you value their personhood):

  1. Look at people during conversations, no matter how short the discussion is. I’m serious here. Look. Don’t be that insensitive person who is always doing something else when people are talking to them. If you have to do something simultaneously, apologize and explain your position.
  2. Another angle to the one above, is when you’re busy or talking to someone else, don’t act like you can’t hear your name being called by another person. Acknowledge the caller, then ask for a minute.

I think we can do beyond believeing in people, we can let them know we believe in them.
#youcanseatwithus not #youcantseatwithus. Not squad squad all the time. Others that aren’t your friends are great too.
And with your friends? Don’t be selfish too. Their success shouldn’t threaten yours.
Why do I really believe in this?
Last week, I found this piece I once wrote in my journal:
”…When I got admission to study law in the first and the best university, my friend sent exactly this to me:

” DEBORAH I think I should congratulate you again on your admission. I believe you are going to be a great lawyer…nothing else suits you more…and I’m damn serious…be a good girl in school. Go out there and illuminate your world. Never stop being a Jesus fan”

Till date she has no idea how much those words meant to me, coming from another aspiring lawyer. “Nothing else suits you more.”.
Shout out to Desola Ibukunoluwa Olosunde. This blog post is dedicated to you.
I hope you get to affirm one person today or tomorrow and then all the days of your life! Its really what God does all through the bible if you observe.

An anxious heart weighs a man down but a kind word cheers him up

Peace and Afirmations,
Debby

Privileged generation

Hiii guys. I penned this down on 26th of March 2018.
18:03.
I hope you learn a thing or two.


Those you flock around determine who you will turn out to be in a few years.
First point I want to discuss is that we’re a privileged generation. Ife Grace-Dada wrote something once and I agree with her(check out her blog and fb page, she’s a committed Christian writer). Paraphrase: Ask most young christians and you would see that their best ministers are mostly those whose churches they’ve never stepped foot into.
Following this premise, it applies to most areas of life, that the people who inspire you may be those you’ve never had to meet in person yet in a certain aspect you consider them lit!
Some parents and grand-parents may never understand this. 😊 and some do.
Sometimes you follow such people on social media and imitate them as they imitate Christ, or learn a thing or two about decent human behaviour.
Personally, I have someone who inspires me with her simplicity, decent fashion, and her knowledge of God’s word.
There’s someone else whose confidence and openness in sharing her love for God, inspires me.
I think it helps when you don’t just wildly envision who you want to be in a few years time, but when you consciously take steps that propel you in that direction. You surround yourselves with people of that sort. Association works.
Before long, even if you didn’t grow up in a home that projected that virtue, you’re conscious that your dressing should be neat, smart and project Christ; not done haphazardly. You become conscious of other people’s feelings, you empathise. You learn some biblical truth you previously didn’t know.
What am I really advocating for with this post?
Reach beyond your immediate world. Don’t just chat away your internet time; you can know more about gardening through your instagram friend living someplace other than where you are, you can understand the arguments for home-schooling through twitter, you can access in-depth bible exposition through facebook, or you can learn about the precision and neatness of the Swiss through reading. You can be an all-rounder.
Janice James said:

‘I’ve travelled the world twice over,
Met the famous saints and sinners,
Poets and artists, king and queens,
Old stars and hopeful beginners,
I’ve been where no-one’s been before, learned secrets from writers and cooks
All with one library ticket
To the wonderful world of books”

You have no excuse for not knowing beyond what’s in your immediate surroundings. So many instruments at your disposal.
Remember: privileged generation.
p.s: I hope no one is saying why should I bother knowing about home-schooling and gardening? Okay o. Okay.