Posts tagged living

2018 Life Update (1)

Hello.
I try not to get too consumed in other blog plans, so as to leave out updates on my life.
Sometimes though, I do not know how to succesfully pass across all I’m going through. Sometimes, I do not even know how to blog. Do we ever really know how to do some things? Expertise may just be a hoax.
Reading: Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi. I’d heard good noise about this on the internet since it got published. I hope to review it someday.
Also, I’m re-reading Daughter of Destiny. It’s the only authorized biography of Kathryn Kuhlman. I told an old friend recently that I try to re-read that book every year. I vividly recall something I heard Bishop Oyedepo say in a message I listened to. He said he re-reads Kenneth .E. Hagin’s books every year because that is a huge part of his faith origin. Every year, the busy bishop Oyedepo, much older than I am, makes out time to re-read the same books and read others. Obviously what you focus on, shapens your life. If there is a book which marked a significant turning point in your life, you can make a yearly commitment to it. 
Thirdly, I’m on Living as a Christian by A.W Tozer. I love A.W Tozer’s style. He is that familiar uncle I never met. I don’t mind going over a chapter repeatedly.

Wanting: My own apartment. I like having my own space a little too much. I told my mum that someday, I’ll really love to have my house before I get married. A place where I can just customize. Preferably a minimalist setting, with lots of awe-inducing wall art.
Right now, I love my roommate but I get bothered about the issue of space. Isn’t it okay to just have my things the exact way I want them to be – unruffled?
When I do reflect, I think it just goes to show my personality and a weakness in that personality. Life is in sharing. People won’t always have the same priorities I have. Therefore, if I have to sweep four times a day because I do not like any dirt, well then, so be it. Sweep, and live out my current personal apartment-less life.
Wearing: New lipstick occasionally. Make-up is as much a mystery as it is a controversy in some circles. In some other circles, it’s just feminine, nothing attached.
Having: daily battles with my flesh. Sometimes, I will do every other thing but pray. Every other thing. No matter how many spiritual things you do, if you do not pray, you’re cheating yourself. When I say pray,I do not mean collective prayers but personal. 
At a group retreat recently, someone made mention of the reason why some people pray saying “the God of Babalola, the God of Adeboye“. Those ministers have personal spiritual ‘net-worth’. This isn’t about the communal anointing that occurs when we gather to pray. Rather, a personal spiritual weight harnessed in the place of prayer.
Eating: fruits of late, because something has to work atleast.  My plan was to prepare lots of food at this period and store them. I had plans to make soups but I can’t, because, erratic power supply. In other words, I’ve been missing my African dishes. *cue dramatic sigh of a Yoruba girl*
Missing: Family trips.
Hoping: For an audible subscription from a friend. Lol. Hoping for a Cassie Daves blog planner from a friend.
Listening: To nothing much of late. My phone isn’t reading my memory card currently so most of my songs have been out of reach. My favourite song of late is Reckless Love by Steffany Gretzinger. It’s a Bethel music song.
I also miss listening to audio bible.
Trying: to tie together this thing called adulting. Making decisions. Being taken seriously. Being looked up to. Working.

Encouraging you: to stick to one thing like a postal stamp, until you get there.
Well, that’s what I saw as a quote somewhere. Your life encourages people with the littlest of things sometimes. There is someone on instagram who encourages me with her huge love for dogs. Imagine that. She is just living her life, loving dogs, yet she inspires someone. It gets as simple as that. I’m here making sense of this blogging thing in the midst of a thousand and one confusions and then occasionally, someone tells me of how the blog is a blessing to them.
 I think doubt surely follows any good thing. In an article I read on Zadie Smith(a writer) today, in answering a question on any secret techniques to coping with self-doubt, she admitted that:

” In the end, you just have to write and doubt simultaneously”

Don’t bother about the doubt accompanying what you’re creating,  just do it. Stick to it, like a postal stamp, until you get there. I know you will get there.
That does it for the day. Thanks, see you next week.
Love, adulting, prayers,
Debby.
Can you relate to something I shared? How are you faring? Pray tell in the comment box.

The One Who Owes The World

I rushed back into the school premises at a fast pace.
The blinding sun reminded me of my resolve to get a new pair of Sun shades. It was past 10am and my class must’ve begun, having been scheduled for 10am. I rushed towards the bus route going to faculty of law, at the car park.
I saw you, tall and fairly dark. Your eye glasses well perched on your nose. You had you shirt tucked into your trousers with a brown belt holding it in place. The Brown belt still looked good; not worn tired. I looked up at your face again. “Science, social sciences, law” you said expectantly.
Well, then.
Sister, are you going?” You adressed me. I nodded and said “law“, whilst looking at the motorbike lane. About four people were waiting in line for bikes. I contemplated going for a bike instead because I was in a hurry. I took a closer look at the bus.
Ah” I stared you down. “You just want to start loading? No o. No
No, enter. I would be leaving now, enter. Enter”
Obviously not, I thought. I’d be the first to sit in this bus. I turned to look at the bike lane again.
Look,” you said, “your mates are coming. Enter ” I looked back to see a few people who did not even glance once at you as they brushed past, heading for the bike lane. My resolve withered. I needed to be in class.
Two things kept me rooted beside your white bus.
First, I’m trying hard to stop riding on bikes for safety purposes. I began to ride on them only when I became a student in UI and I was sometimes left with no choice.
Secondly, your dressing. In that sun, you looked like a teacher. Tall enough to have that appearance, shirt tucked in, black shoes on, eye glasses with rope!
This shirt tucked in trouser is a serious topic, so let’s branch in.
I’ve been in UI for some years. I’ve even come to recognize a few cab drivers facially. A number of them come out and sit either at their secretariat by the park or under the tree near the drop loading point. The drop loading point is by the route loading to my hostel. Just yesterday, there was yet another argument between these men. They’re loud but I love that they always enjoy themselves to the fullest. The unspoken dress code convention is native attire or a faded shirt worn loosely on some slightly dirty trouser.
That is why, sir, I looked you over. My dad would’ve liked you.
The sun seemed to plead your cause too, as you stood there; A perfect example of a fervent business man. Your fervent plea to people to enter the bus and your argument that you will leave soon, allowed me to sit. I’d been in buses that left with some empty seats before. I sat in the front seat and watched you. Your eyes were focused. You beckoned at each person passing by, “science, social science, law“brother are you going? Sister enter, enter here” you paced. You moved from the right side of the bus to the left. I had two companions in the bus by then.
We waited because your perseverance blackmailed us.
I could’ve taken a cab drop, but I felt I’ll be unjust to you. How else could you make your morning rates if all of us chose to leave, unable to wait. 
We were conscious of the time and of our classes. For you, man must work.
You kept apologizing to us. I offered to pay two extra people’s bus fair, if you’d allow us leave.
You paced, you called. I waited.
I was sure my lecturer would let me in and that I didn’t have much to loose in this particular class.
At some point, I rolled my eyes, I should’ve just left since. What sort of pity ties you down when your ambition is on the line(maybe not that dramatic).
I then forgot my slight irritation well enough to start praying for you. For me too. Lord pls let this bus fill up quickly. Lord, help me o, I shouldn’t regard any class this way.
Where are the people? I craned my neck, I looked back, believing with you that passengers would come.
By the time we took off, with a full bus, I settled in to my amusement.
Sir, your dressing paved a way for you.
.
.
.
Two weeks later, I was watching a video on YouTube and I enjoyed it a bit. My hand hovered over the like button in a dilema for way too long. I wanted to click the like button only because I realized the video had been seen very many times while liked few times. 
I thought ‘let me support this video‘. Then I chided myself. Which kind of support is that? The videos I like keep entering a new folder. I don’t have to like this video. It’s made its impact. It will continue to make its impact if it doesn’t get deleted.
There is nothing wrong with liking a good youtube video but liking out of pity? No. 
I don’t have to live my life like I owe everyone and neither do you.
I know this is a pretty surprising post but it does matter. Stop haranguing yourself over the things that don’t really count.
You love the impeccable conductor? Pray for him in your mind, leave and enter your drop to class. The video doesn’t have many likes but you dont love it enough either? Be grateful you’ve seen it and click on another. This ‘I must like every video out of pity’ thing is uncalled for.
When it comes to seemingly little social matters like these, I love to share because I respect peace of mind. If I am at peace with myself(my right choices) and the same applies to you too, well it’s a peaceful world, innit? 
In 2018, don’t harangue yourself into unnecessary things you can’t help at the expense of your class or something important.
🍻To peace of mind, priorities and knowledge in 2018.

Care to share your thoughts? Diverging view?
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HAPPY NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE.

life and living

Making more time to study God’s word. You won’t believe how there is so much to discover in the bible. You can never exhaust it.
Eating nothing special of late. I’ve been eating the basics and eating it well but then, nothing special. That’s probably because I’ve been putting some financial plans in place and I’ve also been busy. I should try splurging on food soon though. Celebratory food.
Reading Trevor Noah’s ‘born a crime’, Kenneth Hagin’s ‘Classic Sermons‘, Larry King’s ‘how to speak to anyone, anytime, anywhere’.
Wanting more time to read. And more money to buy books. The sort of books I’m newly interested in, are pretty expensive. First up, time to read.
Wasting no time. I’m learning to utilize my time. Shiloh2017 messages are keeping me on my toes so I have no choice. Bishop Oyedepo is such an inspiration. I’m learning to utilize my time doing useful things.
Creating memories. This was hard to decide tbh. Why though? I’m meant to be a creative.Lol. I’ve been drawing and doing artistic things since I was a child. What’s happened to me? Even to write, no desire. Guys, the effort is real.
Wanting a stable academic calendar. I’m tired. Tired. Tired of incessant disruptions in the academic calendar. Were there to be a stable calendar, I should be in 500level now. I’m still in 2nd semester 400level and I have so much ahead of me in terms of my academic pursuit. It is well.
Enjoying time spent with friends. I have this friend I’m especially celebrating. Her name is Samuel Seun. We all have that one friend who is only on whatsapp, no other social media. She belongs in that group. I thus have no links to provide. Pictures though.
Marvelling at human nature. I’ll love to someday write a book on human beings; their simplicity and complexties. Of course, there’d be a good topic . I simply want you to have an idea of what intrigues me sometimes. Our make up as humans.
Wearing a smile.
Following Shiloh 2017 live streams. You can check out the videos on YouTube. Simply type “Shiloh 2017” in the search box. You’re welcome.
Noticing people’s swiftness to complimenting me of late. Lol. What’s happening exactly? I’ve always been this tall, this beautiful. Then, I’ll get to a room and someone will say “oh, you’re so tall. Are you taller than XXX?“. I’d go to church and someone would say “wow you look taller. What’s your height? 6″ what?”. We’ll be told in a church meeting to turn to our neighbour and say “so so so” then in between “so so so“, I’d hear “you’re so beautiful“. Lol.
Loving my family. I don’t even know how to put this into the right words . All I can say is I’m loving my family.
Hoping this new phase of my life is incredible. This Sunday, I’m handing over to my successor in my campus fellowship. We all know being commissioned to serve as a leader is a new phase in a person’s life. Handing over is also a new phase and I hope to explore every part of it dutifully. I’ll be fulfilling my non-executive mandate.
That’s it. How are you doing? Care to share?

Consistency & Internet travel

Hey people.
I’m learning consistency. I think we get it right four times consecutively, then we fail once. We start over again, until the consistency is mastered. A blog post was due last Saturday morning (as that is my new blogging schedule) but I failed to put it up. Life issues😄.
What does consistency mean to you?
This consistency issue is very paramount in anything you will do right in life. Just today I read an interview in Punch newspaper. I can’t imagine I’m just hearing of the man inspite of such feat. Apparently, he is a Nigerian professor who lectures at university of Oxford. He recently gave an award to the worst graduating student in University of Ilorin. His children, while in primary school, all passed GCSE exams(for students around age 17 and above), one was even age 6 at the time. One of his daughters, while in primary school, built her school’s website; same website which has won many awards. Enough curiosity to pique your interest? Read here. He made mention of consistent work too.
Just on my study table in my room, I have this writing pinned down by my flower vase.

Successful people do by commitment what others do by excitement

Moving on to the task of the day, I’ve decided to share a bit of what I’ve been loving recently with you.
Do you know Uju Okorie? I discovered aunty Uju on Facebook o. I’ve been loving her since I first glanced at her Facebook page. Best of everything I admire about her; she validates her own voice. No timidity. She’s that Christian writer who is critical and intelligent. She says she hopes her sharp mouth would not land her in trouble one day. Yes, she is that person. I love it. No one should think all Christian writers must be one certain way. She writes beautifully well. I’d love to meet her in the future. Do scroll diligently down her Facebook page and check her pretty inactive blog too. Her life is too much beauty for you to ignore.
Tunrayo. Tunrayo delights me. I discover people on Instagram sometimes and I’m delighted. I love her page; crystally clear pictures, beautifully shot pictures, pictures of books (I follow the bookstagram community dutifully), natural hair sister 😉 e.t.c. she really just appeals to me. Check her out on Instagram here. After dutifully scrolling to the last of her pictures, I checked her website and it’s so simple and inviting. She makes short videos to review books, her write-ups are also engaging. Next up, her YouTube channel. Lol. It’s not obsession. Link to her blog Is here.
I stumbled across this beautiful video through Uju Okorie on Facebook. I think every African should watch this Ted talk. Before I proceed, you know what a Ted talk is right? Believe me I have a friend who previously didn’t know. Was she living under a rock? This talk is brilliant and passionate. Passionate. Of course I Google searched ‘Chika Ezeanya-Esiobu’ afterwards. Why wouldnt I? Why shouldn’t you?
If you don’t know the Lindseys, know them today. Cornelius and Heather Lindsey. Writing about them wouldn’t do as much good as discovering them yourself. Particularly on Instagram( Heather and Cornelius) you  get snippets into their lives since they actively use instagram stories.
 I have a thing for vulnerability, for people who let us in into their lives. I wonder how I can do that some more. Suggestions? That’s part of the vision of this blog. Sharing. Always feel free to contact me through the contact form in the menu. Suggestions are welcome.
Finally, I’ve been listening to beautiful messages and songs of late. Currently as I type, I’m listening to one serious worship by Dunamis church, pastored by Dr. Paul Enenche. You can also get some messages and inspiring bible study outlines from my fellowship‘s website.
Tada!
See you next week! Same time, same place!
What are your thoughts? Who are those you’ve been loving recently and you’ll like to share?
Do you know any of the people I reffered to above?
What does consistency mean to you?

Finance and perspective

Only self-discipline keeps you learning when there is no one marking your script. Only great managers of self become great leaders tommorow.”

-Excerpts from Engaging the power of self discipline.
We’re meant to improve on ourselves, as humans. When we stop, there is a problem.
We’re to constantly assess ourselves and make necessary improvement.
Any dimension of life you do not have a firm grip on, has room for improvement. It doesn’t matter if that dimension is oily, get good gloves, do something. You should have a grip on it. That’s discipline.
No one wants to get to that stage in their life when they wonder if it’s not too early to regret. Regrets are awful. Regrets are terrible.
For major matters however, it’s best to have a firm grasp pretty early in order to avoid regrets. Live consciously, live with an aim to get better.
Personally, finance has been an aspect I’ve not had full grasp on.
I’ve never entered debts nor had financial difficulties but I cannot categorically say that I can control my finances. Some months, it’s yaaay. Some months it’s naaaay. I wouldn’t even tell you which one surfaces more often.
I spend easily once I’m shopping. My shopping cart just gets fuller and fuller with pretty things, relevant things, yet all the same, things I can do without.
Just on wendnesday, I had an appointment with a natural hair stylist. As the high-maintenance lady that I can sometimes be, I agreed to spend some amount of money. This agreement was over three times what I budgeted to spend before we had our meeting. I was won over by my love for my hair and by my satisfaction that she was quite knowledgable in her field. It took some holy-spirit inspired thinking at night for me to change my resolve. Yes, I still love my hair. No, I don’t like breaking agreements. However, we need wisdom to make wise decisions. We’re people of integrity and we stand by our words, yet wisdom is pivotal.
In the bible, Proverbs6:1-3 says

“My son,
if you guarantee a loan for your neighbor or pledge yourself for a stranger with a handshake,
2 you are trapped by the words of your own mouth, caught by your own promise.
3 Do the following things, my son, so that you may free yourself,
because you have fallen into your neighbor’s hands: Humble yourself,
and pester your neighbor.
4 Don’t let your eyes rest or your eyelids close.
5 Free yourself like a gazelle from the hand of a hunter and like a bird from the hand of a hunter.

Are you currently taking a decision financially or otherwise which you need to back away from, carefully consider that passage.
Financially, work towards savings and investment, it never hurts.
Work towards discipline. Have a grasp on your finances.
I took another step by following @clevergirlfinance on Instagram. I’m assured those constant tips on the page, would go a long way.
I’ve also subscibed by e-mail to newsletters on their website and I advise you do too. It’s a really helpful platform. I feel richer by simply having discovered their website.
You may not be earning your own money yet ( probably as a student) but why wait till then to get a grip on financial management?
A man is not yet old until regrets take the place of dreams.
-John Barrymore

Do you have plans for your finances? Do you always live by your budget? Share your defeats and achievements in the comment box, let us learn from them.

Life and books!

​There is a place that gives me hope. That makes me certain that’s where I belong. Isn’t it time to reconsider some things? To write?” 

This was my thought which I penned down after re-reading purple hibiscus. I felt I was in the inner caucus of literally conscious people. Those who read, recognize and respect brilliant statements and plots. There are times I read genius pieces of work or simply a profound sentence and all I can wonder on is, if other people would understand what I just read to be exclusively brilliant. 
For some people, a story is a story. Shame. For some people, an overly dramatic dialogue is a story( all those episodes of ‘stories’ that run on whatsapp as broadcast messages). Ignorance ( I’m not disputing that those write-ups have their place in the world but a good story, fiction is a whole lot more than that). For some people, story is a waste of time. In response to that, I’ll hold my peace. Or perhaps answer you by saying, Jesus told stories.
Welfare.
I’ve been well. Pushing through the days with more knowledge. A few moments of precious and incomparable exclusiveness with God. Times of combing through books too. 
I recently completed Frank Peretti’s the visitation ( quite lengthy) and I’m reading 26A by Diana Evans, for fiction. 
In terms of Christian literature, I’m in between a million books. What I often do is read necessary chapters from them. My holiday has been cut short and that has destabilized my reading plans. These are the ones I’ve focused on however: I’ve read from E.M Bounds on Prayer (this is the combination of all seven books he has written on the subject matter of prayer). I’ve read from Phillip Yancey’s The Jesus I never knew ( I got propelled to return to this book after completing the visitation ). I’ve also been reading Watchman Nee’s secret to spiritual power .
I’m constantly reading articles from around the web.
I’m enjoying Afoma’s book’d series.
I recently got intrigued by Uche Okonkwo‘s simplicity in writing. 
By the way, I feel I should  pursue knowledge on the art of being an editor.
☺okay, this is a simple way of letting you know I’ve resumed blogging again. Exams got nothing on me. Before I say bye, I enjoyed this two quotes this week and I think you would too:

If Jesus had never lived we would not have been able to invent him                                 -Walter Wink
When i saw you, I fell in love and you smiled because you knew                                                                                                     -Aerigo Boito

Okay, have a wonderful week. Come back to read some more posts!
As always, love, 
Debby.

Life update

I’m happy. Happy for no little reason. Perhaps I should say joyful then. It’s that joy that propels this post.
It’s been a terrible hiatus from this blog, I agree. I’ve had to deal with lots of things. (check this post on life and blogging.)I also find it hard to write unless I’m in some certain frame of mind. I’m working on that.
I spoke with a friend today and I felt refreshed. I know it’s God’s doing, really. We prayed together. Previously, I had felt strange in my own skin. Feelings are never meant to dominate our lives.
One of the things that conveniently kept me off this blog was my knowledge of the fact that I’ll have to write a personal update when i do write.
Reluctance to write about myself and how I’m faring shows I’ve chosen to not be vulnerable. Shows I’ve chosen to hide my flaws and victories.
Lol, now where do I start from? I dare not try to remember every detail since I last blogged or gave a personal update. Let me work with this past week.
Side-note: I feel like my writing voice is really fast and giddy today.
On Sunday, I was wondering when I’ll have a photo shoot. It’s not funny really. I’m a young adult, things like this characterise youth. What pictures am I going to show my children and grand children other than phone camera selfies😦? It’s my friend’s fault. He dashed my hopes of having a friendly photo shoot. I’d say no more on this subject. Partly because no one can stop me from having my pictures taken if I really want to. 😐
On Monday, I had quite a busy day. I had two tests and well, great faith that they would turn out well.
After classes, I had to buy the honorarium for the minister honouring our invite to discipleship meeting in fellowship. I then joined in the prayers, then I participated in the discipleship meeting, after which I waited for bible study preview. I got back to my hostel right at 11pm. I ate and slept.
Tuesday came along and I was hungry but I had to fast on two counts, none of which was personal. If you haven’t, read up my post on fasting here. I was delighted I did in the end. Tuesday evening; my unit went on visitation to two halls of residence. I met with fellowship members and encouraged them and I witnessed to a Moslem. I had never met a Moslem that ready to listen before. He didn’t accept Christ but gave me his phone number for further contact so he can make an informed decision when he does make it.
Wednesday was good. I caught up on a certain magazine I had been reading. I also had a refreshing time at the weekday fellowship.
On Thursday I felt sour. I woke up late and missed a meeting I had planned to be present at. Ugh, downward spiral. I had a battle with feelings, I prayed and wasn’t better. I met up with a friend and we spoke together then prayed. I felt a whole lot better after that.
P.s: I’m writing this post on Thursday with the conclusion and all. I’ll simply insert the Friday and Saturday summary later.
On friday. I went for my distant cousin’s engagement ceremony. My mum was in town. I saw my grandma too, it was her birthday. I got back to my hostel with more money ( thank the lord)and fatigue. Like I told my mum, it had simply never occured to me how I’ve never been to an engagement ceremony in my adulthood ( you get what I mean by adulthood). It was intriguing and tiring. I slept then woke up much later to study.
Saturday. The very day I’m putting up this post. The very day I’m glad I didn’t write this whole post because my mood is absolutely not cheery cheery nor my voice giddy and fast. I’ve had a long day which started with getting out of my hostel past 6 am. I’ve not participated in a single form of exercise in forever yet my bones are aching. My eyes are heavy and to think I’ve taken lots of fish and milk of late! I really want to start the weekend over, I can’t believe it’s flying past me. Sighs.
Needing: discipline. I’ve been getting late to my classes of late. I need new discipline.
Loving: I’ve been loving the very fresh air that comes in through my window when I wake up, as long as the curtain is drawn back. The air is fresh I say. The flowers outside sway gently. It’s a call to worship. I’ve been singing a lot of hymns too, something about waking up like that makes me want to sing hymns.
Longing: For home. I’ve been longing to go home, just to be in my own house where I can leave my hair in an untamed state, where I can run up the stairs, use my family members belongings, grin terribly at the dinning table, gist in the kitchen, take turns at leading praise and prayer during family devotions, get to my ‘green’ church, See familiar faces and hug friends, get to TKP office, take drinks without restraint, eat goodies without monetary caution. Home is home.
Thankful: for friends. Friends are friends and they’re God’s gift.
Certain: I have the holyspirit. And he is leading me to great heights!
In all, the week had been good inspite of the valley experiences.
Advice to self: study for exams and live one day at a time.
Advice to all: sing hymns. Walk tall even when you feel really small on the inside. Don’t let feelings rule you, get back to the one who made you a deeply feeling being. Last of all, Be.
Be.

Being, joy, home,

No letters to the past, no letters to the future! 

 
So, it’s a Tuesday evening,  and I’m ready to publish a blog post. I don’t want to do it in my room. I make up my mind and leave with a mat for heritage Park inside University of Ibadan. There, I chat on my phone and relax. There isn’t so much breeze, the sun is still out and I can’t lie down so it’s not the best of effects but it still works.


I see a girl  of about ten years or so walk by, followed by who I assume is her younger brother, some few paces behind. They’re both with school-bags, which I presume heavy, and in hand is a food basket.
What strikes me is that the boy moves briskly, only concerned with catching up with his sister. He doesn’t glance to his side or care for any other thing. They’re both tired as I see it.
I think of the burning sun. I think of the route they have to pass through each day probably on their way to a parent’s office or home.
In as much as childhood is a time of bliss and innocence and no burdens, as I long to think of it,
It’s also a time when older siblings can choose to be resolute in refusing to wait for the younger one to catch up. Also a time when sand gets stuck in your socks. When there is the worry as regards the yam taken in the food basket to school which is being returned to a sure-to-be displeased mum. It’s a time when there isn’t much mental anxiety, neither is there much mental calmness because things just happen. A time the child can’t decide like I can, to leave a familiar place and go to another. A time a child can’t spend more than he is given from home, and can’t make big decisions on impulse.

My point is simple. There used to be a quote in my dad’s office when I was younger. I often read it, without getting the catch, until I read it and then got the depth of it.

“The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago, the second best time is now”

We’re often convinced that another state, setting and stage in life, is better than the one we’re currently in.
If things were slightly different, maybe if I was married to a wonderful man with adorable kids, or if I was still a child, or if I had my dream job, things would be better.
I no longer believe so. I know I don’t have to patronize that way of thought anymore and neither should you.
If in reality, the best thing is something other than what you have, or where you are right now, no problem . How about the second best then? It’s right now, right here, and it’s with you. You can have a whole different life by that eureka discovery.
It’s often times your perspective that determines your happiness in life. Stop bemoaning. Stop lamenting.
To the people walking past me, yes, I’m here on a personal picnic and you’re not. You’re however still favored. Lol.
We’re all favored.
We’re living in a good time, we just have to make use of it. It may not be the best of times but its still good enough to be utilized. someone somewhere is admiring your current status.
No regrets.
 
As Always,
Debby.
 
 
 

The boy must Know Book!

So, my mum steps out of the car at the market to buy some items.
I’m in the car, I stare at her back.
Every time she gets down from the car without a second thought in order to buy foodstuff regardless of the fact that we’re (my sisters and I) in the car and she could as well send us to buy whatever it is, I’m awed. And she does that sooo often.
I even feel guilty. Grown as I am, I sit in the car. Sighs.
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She walks to where the mallam had set up his stand for the fried rice ingredients.
Another woman at the same spot looks away seemingly uninterested while my mom prices the items. From here, I can tell my mum bargains in Hausa language.
When my mum shifts slightly such that her back is turned to the other woman, the seemingly uninterested woman resumes admiring her.
I smirk.
That’s not my focus Today. I only want to capture details.
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From this vantage point where I sit in the car,
I see a market woman perched on a bench, her legs on either side of it, as a man would sit.
I take notice of her when my mom, on whom my gaze is fixed, asks “who is crying?” while she gazes lovingly at a young toddler wailing badly. Wailing badly!
It is then I notice the market woman, and I see another boy of about four years of age with her. She leans over a flimsy note book that is spread open on the bench.
Then I begin to hear her when I pay attention “oya, write four, write four!”
The boy, I assume her son, looks at her, no defiance on his face. No expression. He just looks at her.
She hits him.
“write four! ” she says as she raises and keeps her right hand hanging in a position set to hit him. She does hit him again.
” oloshi alabukun omo-ale”
And I gasp.
I know, I know, children are insulted everyday but really what has this boy done?
The boy is now crying. The toddler is also crying. But it’s a market, noise is allowed.
She threatens the four year old that if his tears drop, she would beat him even more.
He keeps crying.
What I see next as I picture an intervention in tones of sepia, is my mum walking up and explaining to the mother why she should cuddle him a bit and tell him to write the number she desires. Maybe teach him again.
We know after rain, comes sunshine right? Surely there must be another way to tackle this crying child.
Yorubas in Nigeria say “ta ba if owo osi na omode, a fi owo otun fa morawhen we use the right hand to discipline a child, we use the left hand to pull him close
As I imagine my mum explaining to the boy’s mother, I imagine the woman flaring up, fed up.
This is Nigeria. To this market woman, her son must “know book” he must become literate. He must drive cars and care for her. He must become more influential than anyone she knows.
This is the way of hope.
So I can imagine the good intentions with which this market woman now orders her son to kneel down.
Without the imagined scenes and tones of sepia, the boy doesn’t kneel down and she doesn’t beat him any longer either. I’m not in the market for much longer to see her(a market woman howbeit a mother)  train her son in the way she thinks best.
This one thing I know, the boy must “know book”.
This brings to mind the words “motherhood”, “education”, and the phrases “financial privilege”, “developing countries”, “a means to an end”.
The boy must know book!
Share your thoughts…

Write Debby, write!

Everybody says “write Debby, write”
If they could, they would write but I find myself in a cage. I know ideas still flood my head, I know I can express them. I know I should make more practice with writing, seek more knowledge on the art of it. But I don’t. I don’t do all that.
Today, someone told me
“don’t be so defensive”. I should discuss with more people. That was in the midst of a conversation which has prompted this post.
I’m having my chamber attachment with a law firm while on holiday. I couldn’t go to the court of Appeal with the group that went today. The cause list in the chamber listed my name under a case in the High court. I was back to the chamber in no time , because in legal parlance, “court did not sit”. It means for some reasons, the judge didn’t come so the case was adjourned.
I sat on an old couch in my old friend’s  office. Old friend, meaning my bunk mate who was in ss3 when I was in jss2. I listened to music, watched some videos and eventually, they came back from court. With the turn of events, I began talking to another church member who came visiting. Same secondary school too, in this case he was in ss3 when I was in Jss1.
I felt at home as the conversation wielded itself. A part of me was surfacing. That part that can jump from topic to topic in discussions without restraint. From law as a profession, to old friends in secondary school, to the marriage of said people, to professional ethics such as networking in Nigeria, to mentors and ambition, to friendship, to the definition of beauty, to how God speaks to man, to books.
The conversation was seamless. Just flowing. I spoke my mind, baring my honest views. I had to answer questions so I searched the archives of my mind.
I revived a part of me. While discussing, I told them my elder sister is my best friend. True that. I’m sooo close to my parents too, we discuss a lot. Casual conversation, serious conversation. Everything. But sometimes… (please picture this last sentence I wrote in a very very small voice that fades away).
Sometimes, other parts of me want to connect literally. Which is why I watch videos on YouTube of conversations between writers. They speak the truth and some of it resonates hard with me. Strikes some chords. I don’t have very many friends who connect with my intellectual writing side.
YouTube videos of conversations between people doesn’t flush out the need for you to speak yourself. So I did so today. And on matters which I rarely discuss with other friends.
At the time of posting this, I’m less excited. But I want to post it because steps to losing yourself has on its to-do list, “keep silent in times like this”.
P. S:  This is about four days after writing the above post but again steps to losing yourself… Right? And innit, it’s news to you even if it isn’t to me;)
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Speaking out, having friends, and writing,
Debby.