So, my mum steps out of the car at the market to buy some items.
I’m in the car, I stare at her back.
Every time she gets down from the car without a second thought in order to buy foodstuff regardless of the fact that we’re (my sisters and I) in the car and she could as well send us to buy whatever it is, I’m awed. And she does that sooo often.
I even feel guilty. Grown as I am, I sit in the car. Sighs.
She walks to where the mallam had set up his stand for the fried rice ingredients.
Another woman at the same spot looks away seemingly uninterested while my mom prices the items. From here, I can tell my mum bargains in Hausa language.
When my mum shifts slightly such that her back is turned to the other woman, the seemingly uninterested woman resumes admiring her.
I smirk.
That’s not my focus Today. I only want to capture details.
From this vantage point where I sit in the car,
I see a market woman perched on a bench, her legs on either side of it, as a man would sit.
I take notice of her when my mom, on whom my gaze is fixed, asks “who is crying?” while she gazes lovingly at a young toddler wailing badly. Wailing badly!
It is then I notice the market woman, and I see another boy of about four years of age with her. She leans over a flimsy note book that is spread open on the bench.
Then I begin to hear her when I pay attention “oya, write four, write four!”
The boy, I assume her son, looks at her, no defiance on his face. No expression. He just looks at her.
She hits him.
“write four! ” she says as she raises and keeps her right hand hanging in a position set to hit him. She does hit him again.
” oloshi alabukun omo-ale”
And I gasp.
I know, I know, children are insulted everyday but really what has this boy done?
The boy is now crying. The toddler is also crying. But it’s a market, noise is allowed.
She threatens the four year old that if his tears drop, she would beat him even more.
He keeps crying.
What I see next as I picture an intervention in tones of sepia, is my mum walking up and explaining to the mother why she should cuddle him a bit and tell him to write the number she desires. Maybe teach him again.
We know after rain, comes sunshine right? Surely there must be another way to tackle this crying child.
Yorubas in Nigeria say “ta ba if owo osi na omode, a fi owo otun fa mora” when we use the right hand to discipline a child, we use the left hand to pull him close
As I imagine my mum explaining to the boy’s mother, I imagine the woman flaring up, fed up.
This is Nigeria. To this market woman, her son must “know book” he must become literate. He must drive cars and care for her. He must become more influential than anyone she knows.
This is the way of hope.
So I can imagine the good intentions with which this market woman now orders her son to kneel down.
Without the imagined scenes and tones of sepia, the boy doesn’t kneel down and she doesn’t beat him any longer either. I’m not in the market for much longer to see her(a market woman howbeit a mother) train her son in the way she thinks best.
This one thing I know, the boy must “know book”.
This brings to mind the words “motherhood”, “education”, and the phrases “financial privilege”, “developing countries”, “a means to an end”.
The boy must know book!
Share your thoughts…
Posts tagged life
Write Debby, write!
Everybody says “write Debby, write”
If they could, they would write but I find myself in a cage. I know ideas still flood my head, I know I can express them. I know I should make more practice with writing, seek more knowledge on the art of it. But I don’t. I don’t do all that.
Today, someone told me
“don’t be so defensive”. I should discuss with more people. That was in the midst of a conversation which has prompted this post.
I’m having my chamber attachment with a law firm while on holiday. I couldn’t go to the court of Appeal with the group that went today. The cause list in the chamber listed my name under a case in the High court. I was back to the chamber in no time , because in legal parlance, “court did not sit”. It means for some reasons, the judge didn’t come so the case was adjourned.
I sat on an old couch in my old friend’s office. Old friend, meaning my bunk mate who was in ss3 when I was in jss2. I listened to music, watched some videos and eventually, they came back from court. With the turn of events, I began talking to another church member who came visiting. Same secondary school too, in this case he was in ss3 when I was in Jss1.
I felt at home as the conversation wielded itself. A part of me was surfacing. That part that can jump from topic to topic in discussions without restraint. From law as a profession, to old friends in secondary school, to the marriage of said people, to professional ethics such as networking in Nigeria, to mentors and ambition, to friendship, to the definition of beauty, to how God speaks to man, to books.
The conversation was seamless. Just flowing. I spoke my mind, baring my honest views. I had to answer questions so I searched the archives of my mind.
I revived a part of me. While discussing, I told them my elder sister is my best friend. True that. I’m sooo close to my parents too, we discuss a lot. Casual conversation, serious conversation. Everything. But sometimes… (please picture this last sentence I wrote in a very very small voice that fades away).
Sometimes, other parts of me want to connect literally. Which is why I watch videos on YouTube of conversations between writers. They speak the truth and some of it resonates hard with me. Strikes some chords. I don’t have very many friends who connect with my intellectual writing side.
YouTube videos of conversations between people doesn’t flush out the need for you to speak yourself. So I did so today. And on matters which I rarely discuss with other friends.
At the time of posting this, I’m less excited. But I want to post it because steps to losing yourself has on its to-do list, “keep silent in times like this”.
P. S: This is about four days after writing the above post but again steps to losing yourself… Right? And innit, it’s news to you even if it isn’t to me;)
Speaking out, having friends, and writing,
Debby.
Mean girl's words
Hiii preciousssss. Happy new month. Noticed the changed logo? I took the picture on sept2, my birthday. Yaaaaay ! Maybe sometimes I could go into the story of what I learnt through my birthday this year. You could indicate in the comment section if you’ll like to read a post on it, already I’m getting excited. Wishing you a happy September as you read mean girl’s words. True words.
It’s been all your life staying at home
You complained murmured and snorted
And sometimes baked unfit donughts
But it was home
The flour, the smell of freshly baked snacks
The customers were your entertainment
Your eyes were Forever rolled as you attended to customers
Your voice was flat
Yet it was home
You made mockery of those you tagged ‘trying to form’
But I won’t call them ‘trying to form’ ,
I’ll say those group of people were your age mates to whom you felt grated knowing they could afford what u couldn’t
You knew how to laugh with your coworkers till you got watery eyes and your stomach felt empty
It was a baseless laugh and it echoed while you thought it would somehow fill the void inside of u
Don’t call me wicked. No, don’t. I’m not yet started.
Your blue uniform fit like it was the missing end of a jigsaw puzzle
It was home… For you
Yesterday, you left home
Today, your face is painted
You’re in a red cloth , perhaps this will come Close
Your steps are unsure
You’ve jested, you were all knowing once
Today it’s you, out of your comfort zone
Today it’s you trying on the new things
They don’t fit
Your voice is softer
Your face undefined
Where’s the permanent snort?
And the ladies with the real designer bags laugh at you while you Jerk past them, your feet singing a tune different from that of your wedge shoes
Today,
You’re new here girl here
And there are rules
While you’re at your own home
Try being kind
A day in Adeola Odutola law library
I spent over ten minutes asking this library attendant to get me a book behind him. Over ten minutes. I was patient. I was being a Christian. I asked politely, simply. He ignored me blatantly yet slyly. He collected money from people who came to renew their library cards and gave them change and checked the list to be sure they had paid, he answered them just as they came up after me.
I felt weird. I felt abused. I was very patient, my voice loud yet small as something inside of me felt more inadequate the longer I waited. There was a guy beside me, who came after me, he asked for a textbook. Library attendant whom I’ve always greeted politely, stood up from his chair, got the book for him, sat back. The same guy asked for another book, the man stood again, got it for him. Before he sat, I asked him to get mine. A girl can never fully know if it’s her gender thats causing the bias. He ignored me, looking at others who came for library card renewal. You get that kind of pretence stance.
Something in the back of my throat knotted. I walked inside the library without the book. Tears were close. For what reason? Thoughts came, because I didn’t use makeup? Because I was polite? What was my offence? Why wasn’t I firmer in demanding when he delayed? Why did I want to cry? Why did I want to cry? Should I have been rude? Why? Why?
I’ll go back. I’ll tell him I demand a textbook. Another of my choice now, I’ve had time to rethink what I want to read. I’ll embrace the knot that formed at the back of my throat. It will speak better things for me in the years to come. I’ve lost a coat. I’m going outside now to offer another.
It’s surprising to me too, but this happened to me.
So what’s your view people?
-on the religious aspect
-On the tears
-gender
-and other themes
Fight or flight for you?
life lately
Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii. I’ve been well. Better. I’m shining. How have you been?
Remember my post trigger words? Well I read one of my ‘trigger blogs’ and I knew a post would come up today. Sincerely, I enjoy reading that blog, it’s one of my model blogs.
You see, the thing with lifestyle blogging, is that you’re not perfect. And no one wants to see a perfect blogger in the first place. We want you, and your imperfections, coupled with your efforts. No, we don’t want you when we see no effort. get better. That’s the thing. Work towards being the best version of yourself. The version that doesn’t need ‘editing’ before an audience.
Having said that, lets get right back to the business of the day. I’ve been AWOL. You have kept here, thank you. I value you. I’m back in school and school has it’s own world, if you haven’t heard. I have a lot of responsibilities but I’ve immensely missed being here.
The thing with book review, for we book lovers, is that you get a perspective into the book, you may purchase the book based on the review and even if you don’t, you got to savour another taste for the moment the book review lasted. I love book reviews. I find myself starting to enjoy book reviews on the blog best. However… I find it hard to read anything other than prescribed textbooks for my course of study. *Rolls eye*. I get to steal a chapter or two from some Christian literature each day though.
I just miss getting a book, the feel of the book between your palms and over the next few days or weeks when that book follows you everywhere. In your bag, on your desk, by the gas cooker, on your front porch and every other preposition in relation to you. Does any other person get that feeling?
I’ve read reviews on Yaa Gyasi’s book “homecoming”. Its my new desire. ToBeRead. You could buy it for me too?
Unto other matters, I’m preparing for exams. I enjoy learning about the law with absolutely no pressure attached. Just discovering new principles, exploring what went on in court rooms etc. I pray this exam period however, I won’t suddenly get overwhelmed along the line with how much I still have to cover and “pour down” in the exam hall.
I’ve also been learning so much more about prayers. Reading about it, talking about it and doing it of course.
“satan does not care how many people read about prayer, if only he can keep them from praying” Paul E Billheimer
“prayer is not learned in the classroom but in the closet” E.M Moody
So it’s beyond reading and hearing about it.(or watching it. Cue cue, “war room” movie)
I’ve been eating. I think that’s a crucial part of a person’s existence. I’m just not having fit-fam healthy meals. It’s hard to maintain that as a student. School has it perks though and I’m grateful I’m in school right now.
On that note, that will be all. that’s a brief update. I shall be back soon, hopefully – having massaged more books also.
Till then, keep shining.
Love and happiness,
Debby.
FORGIVENESS
Currently: sitting by the window facing the front porch of my house. Watching a flower dance in its pot. I’m occasionally gazing at the tree in my neighbour’s house. I choose to blog
As we grow older, our capacity ought to expand. I refuse to be a 12 year old girl in a 3year old body. At 3 years, the toddler could and would drink water. At 12, she can and would drink but with much more capacity than she did at 3. capacity.
Normally, I’m all shades of good. So I hated it as in turns my good natured attributes got ruffled. The calm superfluity I had, began to dissolve and I saw anger, I saw unforgiveness and I just wouldn’t believe it.
The truth is, it was the new me. I had grown.
When a flower grows, it loses it’s form, grows in every direction, still the same bright leaves, it blooms and glows. It’s still gracious but it has thorns sticking out, it is formless unless the gardener takes the shears and prunes.
John15:2: “…and he prunes every branch that does bear fruit, so that it will be clean and bear more fruit”
A few months ago, I saw unforgiveness was very very ugly, I tell you. Every time I pictured the devil as a young girl, he was ugly but the unforgiveness I saw, was uglier than I had ever imagined. It baffled me. It was sticking out of me. I was able to forgive eventually as God helped me.
2cor3:5 “not that we think we are of ourselves sufficient to do anything but our sufficiency is of God”
The case this time around wasn’t forgiving someone else. It was forgiving myself. I did something I regretted, to put it simply. I didn’t want to pray, I felt I had failed God. Then I remembered some Christian literature I had read saying after you’ve sinned, God is most ready to hear you pray. Ask for forgiveness. It is cheating to think you’re ‘protecting God’ and hence refuse to speak to him with your defiled self. He wants you to come so he can wash you and restore you.
So it’s two themes in my head: Forgiveness and Writing. I have obtained forgiveness from God but how about that other theme? See, I got encouragement to ask for forgiveness without wasting time because I had read.
I know people who still read. This blog inclusive. Thus, I’m writing.
I don’t believe one who was “despised, and rejected, who endured suffering and pain. No one would even look at him, we ignored him as if he were nothing “Isaiah53:3 yet was enduring the suffering that was meant to be ours, would now choose not to forgive us when we return to him. No.
It turns out that my last blog post had a major theme of forgiveness. I gave some excerpts, some of which I’ll quote again. We need to forgive people. We need to forgive ourselves and accept God’s forgiveness. As we grow, we need our spirit man to grow so we can forgive better than we did yesterday because today’s offence is stronger than that of yesterday. we need to love more fiercely. We need more.
The quotes:
“I did it to myself . I did it to myself. mea culpa, mea culpa”
Is not the strategy to take, nope, and that’s because
“God doesn’t condemn he forgives”
Yes
“She looked at him bleakly: ‘your kind of love can’t feel good’
‘Does your kind feel any better?’ she looked away.
He unlooped the reins. ‘right now love doesn’t have an awful lot to do with feelings‘ he said grimly
‘don’t misunderstand I’m as human as the next man. I feel alright. I feel plenty right now, a lot I wished I didn’t’ “
he says love doesn’t have a awful lot to do with feelings. God loves us inspite. Just come
” he[Jesus] was a man of sorrows, acquainted with bitterest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way when he went by. He was despised and we did not care. Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins!” Isaiah 53;3,4
Still in doubt?
Currently: sitting by the window, my back to the flower still dancing in it’s pot. My body given to typing and eating something yellow again( I did not plan it, seriously!) loool.
What has been your experience on giving and accepting forgiveness?
Love, forgiveness and yellow meals
Debby
My friend wants to tread
Friends have no need to tread softly on your heart
They’re the first to walk the route that others still will
They’re the ones to clear out the bush,ensure no weed in your life
So when others come, they say
Hey you’re so smooth
No I’m not smooth
Okay yes I’m smooth
But I was not smooth
I was full of thumps and grasses and weeds
Never easy to press down, these weeds
So friend don’t tread softly
Let me know, speak up when I sit incorrectly, tell me when I yawn badly, tell me when I’m disrespectful, remind me when I’ve forgotten my creator
You’re the first to tread
Please tread to beautify my heart
Debby Adebayo
I am rich, help!
MY WEEK…
It’s been a full week really. I’m still excited. Last week Sunday was my sister’s birthday. I spent two nights in her hostel. It was a blessed and fun time. I ate a lot. I had to read too as I had exam the following day. A big exam as it were. On Monday my exam was a success. I began to prep for my exam the following day again. My prep was short-lived as I slept. Hmm, the exam was fine naw. Anyway happiness, freedom. Exam period is such a drag. It’s fun when you get the hang or gist of the topic but when you consider how much you have to do, ugh. Plus if you sleep at the rate I do, mehn…
that Tuesday I had also helped my friend, Olola, our fellowship colporteur sort through the books and attach price tags, arranging them neatly in big ghana must go bags. I settled to eat indomie at night.
Wednesday I woke up a free man. Had my devotion, flexed in my room till time for carol which I probably over-killed in my imagination and anticipation. At a point I wanted to just check my phone browse through apps but Christ wouldn’t let me. The devotion I put to IVCU service must be equal to that when children sing in a church, no matter how boring, otherwise it isn’t Christ I reverence in IVCU services. Hmm, don’t I just love when God says something like that. I missed home o. my home church! We had IVCU service afterward.
Thursday I was up at it early, from TKP office to all over school. Night time we had finalist commissioning in my hostel. It was amazing, I thank God. Then a vigil, I was sooo fagged out. Ah! I was glad I went anyway, fatigue musn’t come in the way. Friday I was all over school again and down to TKP office( THE KINGDOM PROJECT), touching lives at Christmas is only so close. I had to buy food out two times. I never really do that. Time to get to the market. I had a vigil again. It’s actually a continuation of the Thursday night retreat. I had EXCOS meeting for a while. In my hostel I did a number of things before God caused a deep sleep to fall upon me, mehn…
End of that gist. Permit me to tell you, Saturday was basically absent in my calendar. I woke up and kept checking the window to be sure I could see well. My phone was dead.
Today is Sunday. I envision so much already. Issoorait. All in God’s hands eh.
Do have a blessed week