Posts tagged motivation

Dear Mentee || The Iceberg Principle

I have this segment where I write what’s desperately on my heart. Obviously, that’s what the entire blog is for, but this is different. On the blog, I’m addressing myself, addressing my future children and grandchildren, addressing you and your uncles and neighbours. This segment though is addressing my mentees or proteges, if you’ll like. The things that I desperately want to pass on to the younger ones (not only age wise) that’s what I’ll write here. They are some of the life tips I’ll tell my younger ones who come to sit beside me at night and say “advise me. Tutor me”. Its a broad range of advice.

Never let a person come to your tree seeking shade but get scorched.

Never let a hungry person come for fruits and return hungry.

You should have more stuff within than it appears without. You shouldn’t appear to have more quality on the outside than you really have within.

But this, is the bloated mentality of the world today – particularly with the reign of social media e.g Instagram. Appearance. Appearance has won over reality.

By all means let people see the light within you, the beauty and glory. But do not be all for show. Why appear inviting but when people come close, they return hungry or scorched?

What’s the iceberg principle? An iceberg is a large piece of freshwater ice that has broken off a glacier or an ice shelf and is floating freely in open water. Usually of an height greater than 16 feet above sea level and the thickness must be 98-164 feet and the ice must cover an area of at least 5,382 square feet.

With an iceberg, what’s going on outside (above water surface) is such a small percentage of what’s going on underneath. You have to dive down.

In your life, let there be depth.

This is not a call to dim your light or shrink. Rather, it is one to tell you to that the light that shines farthest, is the light that shines brightest at home – C. T Studd.

Don’t just lead amazing prayer meetings when you gather round at church or campus fellowship. Lead a personal life of prayer. Don’t just have smooth Bible study language when you’re called upon to teach. Have a bible-directed life.

Don’t just wear makeup and glam up when you’re outside, keep your bed and belongings made-up. Don’t be more intellectually vibrant to the public eye than you really are. Strive for depth.

Let people come in and see the beauty of simplicity. See the brilliance of Jesus Christ who though he was King of all, came in an animal stable. And on the flip side, who though was birthed in an animal stable had enough stuff to keep the doctors and doctoral candidates in awe of his wisdom, and enough authority and truth to bring rulers to their knees.

They say the greatest investment you could ever have is personal investment in yourself.
“Once more a remnant of the kingdom of Judah will take root below and bear fruit above” 2 King’s 19:30. Roots make the fruits.

That’s the secret today. Be more inside than you are outside. Be authentic. Be solid within. Internalize first before you express.

There’s a Yoruba adage that teaches you to keep good principles in your left hand so you don’t drop it when you use your right hand to eat. Hold the Iceberg principle on your left hand!

And with that, it’s a wrap for today. I hope you’re well. Feel free to check in through the comments section. And don’t forget to share this with your friends.

With plenty of love,

Debby.

Hello Strong Friend.

Hello precious people. Welcome back to this space. How’s life going? I really want to know, feel free to ramble away on how life is going in the comment box. I also advise you learn to journal some of your thoughts down, it helps to analyze your feelings. I don’t do so everyday but for the days that I do, it’s amazing.
Today, I’m sharing part of what I wrote down last year and I was suprised to re-read this year.
I wrote this sometimes last year:

God, I want to cry.
I so want to cry that I can’t type. I just want to cry on someone. For being so strong for so long, I want to cry. I just want to cry for everyday that’s gone by. I want to cry.
My lecturer cried in class today and it’s broken something inside of me, I just want to cry.
I got to IVCU fellowship office today, and in the outer office, I heard some of my friends’ voices inside. I didn’t want to go in because I would have to be strong in front of them.
Since when did that start? Friends you can’t cry in front of?
Friends you can’t break your walls in front of.
Am I like that to other people?

The structure of my campus fellowship’s office is basic: you step into a room, call it your reception area. Then there’s a door leading to a store by your right. Still in the ‘reception’ area, there’s a door in front of you that leads to what we often refer to as “the inner office” or inner court (in reference to the Jewish temple).
The walls are made of thin wood, and it’s really just dividing one big office. You can understand that the voices carry.
The context: That day, my lecturer had cried in class and it surprised me, surprised everyone. But it did something more to me, it made me want to cry. I had something to do at my fellowship immediately after my class and I hadn’t cried yet 😀.
Discussion: It’s alright if I didn’t want to break down in front of more than one person but the real issue was the thought that flashed by my mind making me think I had to be strong in front of people.
Strong. Strong? Who is strong please? Such a relative word. Truth is there is more strength in vulnerability than in ‘bold face’.

Since when did that start? Friends you can’t cry in front of?
Friends you can’t break your walls in front of.
Am I like that to other people?

The real question was whether I had friends who would turn away rather than cry in front of me. I’m not talking of general acquaintances. The few and deliberate friends.

Cornelius Lindsey, I referred to him in this blog post, put this picture up on instagram. A part of his caption says:

“To be the strong friend is a desirable position because it means you’re valuable and useful.
Unfortunately strength turns to weakness when it’s used without rest and replenishment. That’s why it’s important for strong friends to have true friends who s/he can be honest with when asked “HOW ARE YOU?”
So strong friend, don’t hide behind pride! Answer honestly for your own sake. I know you help others, but you need help too.”

It’s got two aspects. Check on your strong friends selflessly.
Two, allow yourself to be checked on. Don’t turn back. Go in. No pride allowed here.
There’s a saying that goes:

“Good friends never let their friends cry alone”.

I tell my friends ‘make me a good friend please, don’t cry alone’. Na beg I beg.
A problem shared is a problem half solved. Be deliberate about your friends. Don’t just let friendship happen to you. “We’re in the same group, so we’re friends; we work together, so we’re friends“. That’s cool on a surface level but you must have friends you can tell the brutal truth. Brutal, being the emphasis.
My message to you: Choose your friends, then trust them.

Truthfully,
Debby.
Go on ahead, how are you doing?

Shopping list v world order


Hiii.
Before I tender a formal apology for my absence, I’ll let you know that I think you’re more dignified than to recieve a quick apology. Not the commonly seen “I’m sorry I’ve been away, thanks for being faithful… Life happens…” sort of apology before the post begins in earnest. I believe you deserve a whole post dedicated to apologizing for my unfaithfulness.
😐
Life really did happen. Remember my post trigger words? I spoke of some trigger blogs which help me gain my writing mojo. I’m not the only one who does this neither am I the only one who watches Chimamanda on YouTube once in a while before writing a story (Tope Owolabi of eclectictope.com confessed same in this interview. Oh the joy). Yeah, the signs that I had to put up a new post were glaring.
One of my oldies who had stopped blogging for some months came back, rebranded. I’ve been following Afoma’s blog since back in the days. The old posts of life and living etc have resonated with me even to the modern day photography posts etc. She’s back. Check her out here.
I also read Kacheetee’s blog and she had some posts about blogging. Certain posts on blogging myths etc.  What really helped the most was this post on quotes.
Turns out the first quote is the deal. In an earlier post, she mentioned how blogging is a whole lot more than writing, which is super true. How blogging is demanding, whereas most people think it’s not. They think it’s randomly done, casually done but if you have a blog with a vision, it’s definitely not casual.
Two of the quotes there also speak to me because I understand a great blog is a combination of well written posts not one great post.

“Doing well with blogging is not about writing one key post. It is about performing day after day and helping a few people at a time”
” 99.9 percent of bloggers are not awesome on Day 1. Their awesomeness is the accumulation of the value they create over time – Darren Roswe”

Now, to the first quote I called the real deal, here it goes:

“a blog is merely a tool that let’s you do anything, from changing the world to sharing your shopping list “

Non bloggers may miss out the relief in that quote but it is a relief. It’s a break from the mini-anxiety that sometimes grips your chest.
It’s an affirmation that there are days I could write my shopping list as a blog post, and it would be cool. A blog is a tool. Tool. Tool. I can change the world with it (oh the revolution!) and I can relax my mind with it. It’s a tool that let’s me do anything.
Well there.
A tool. I use it.
So, in as much as this post in its entirety is an apology, it’s also the practicality of what I just learnt: that my blog is a tool(to be used) for my expression. 
Last of all, this post is an encouragement to all bloggers. Keep at it, even when you find it hard to keep at it, because you have a million responsibilities following you upandan* or because you lost a blog post which you worked on tirelessly and efficiently (as are examples for my three weeks silence). I want you to understand then, that there are other bloggers like you going through the same thing.
Remember your blog is a tool. *Use* it. Change the world with a post today. Write out a weird food recipe tommorow, rant about your day the next time, change the world with the next post.
 I give you the license:)

Don’t focus on having a great blog, focus on producing a blog that is great for your readers – Brian Clark

And I remain Debby,
Love, peace, shopping lists and world revolution
*upandan: slang to mean being everywhere. Literally “up and down”
Oh ye bloggers, get in here and share your experiences. What do you think? Non-bloggers, air your view.