Posts tagged Men

Ladies and Football; 6 guys give their opinions.

Interviews 6 Comments

Hiii people. To wrap up this Ladies and football series is another dimension.
You know why I’m interested in these opinions? I think it’s might just be pure stereotype. Is there really a sport meant for only one sex?
That most people of a certain sex aren’t involved or interested in that sport, shouldn’t grant a monopoly of it to the other sex or should it? (Do answer in the comment section).
The dimension: I asked a number of guys their opinion on this question:

“Do you mind marrying a lady who not only loves football, but also plays football?
Do you think its cool?
What has been your experience with ladies who (1), love and (2),play football?”

These are the answers I got:
Dipo
I don’t mind marrying a lady who loves and plays football.
Yeah, I think it’s cool.
My simple experience in relating with such ladies most times is that we communicate and relate better.
David
For me, football is a huge part of my world. therefore having a lady who also loves football is a bonus, especially if we both support the same club. we’ll get to share our victories and console each other when the team loses.
As regards the playing of football, I’m comfortable with marrying a lady who plays football as a hobby, but not a professional footballer.
About personal experiences, I have a preference for ladies with football knowledge as it’s common ground to relate with them, though friendship with Arsenal supporters is tricky, as they’re almost always on a down mood.
Jonah
Ahh…
I don’t mind marrying a lady who loves and play football…( Unless if the playing is too much like three times a week).
Yes, it’s cool to marry a wife you can once in a while play football with.
My experiences
1. Those who love it are nice and love to share their ideas, but they usually cry when their team loses spoiling your mood too.
2. Those who play are usually tough and hard to deal with.
Yemi
Hmmm. The first question ehn. I think I won’t mind marrying a lady that loves watching football because I love that too. But playing football, I actually think it will be difficult or rather rare to see a lady at her mid 20s involved in playing football.
Now, I don’t have experience with ladies who play football, but I do with ladies that watch .
It’s been really cool discussing football with them, but the fact is that you have to educate them on some *known* stuffs in football. They don’t know some intricacies in football, so most times, guys have to tell them about those stuffs which ordinarily are common knowledge to football freaks.
Bayo
I definitely don’t mind marrying a lady who loves or even plays football.
I think it is cool. I have female friends who enjoy talking about football and I must say it is usually exciting, different from when you are talking to the guys.
Wole
Are u kidding me, a lady who not only loves but also plays football is an angel ?.
Of course, I definitely wouldn’t mind marrying her.
It’s supercool.
My experience with ladies who love/play football is that they do tend to be kinda manly, not physically, I mean character-wise.
Which is not so cool but then you can’t have everything right.

Different opinions. ? There’s however however a consensus that it’s cool when a lady loves football, the degree of that love for footbsll being a different thing for each person.

You know, it’s uncalled for seggregating sports. My opinion is that naturally, most ladies would not gravitate towards playing football and that’s O.K. Whatever you want.
However for you as a future primary or secondary school proprietor/propreitress to take an outright stance on the seggragation is to brainwash young minds. Same holds as a future parent.
Or like Simi’s story, to even call a lady that likes football a lesbian. I’m tired.
In the same vein, this that I saw on twitter:

Let’s do better for the next generation. Or what do you think?
If you’re going to live wholly, you can’t be crippled by unfounded societal expectations.
Question to all: what sport have you always considered a female sport?
And if a guy doesn’t fancy football, so be it.
As always,
Debby.

Ladies and Football; Analyzing the big deal (3)

Interviews 1 Comment

While in secondary school, I had two close female friends who loved football and discussed it every chance they got.
I never knew a football match was scheduled to happen that day until they were discussing. Oh, well. It never did hurt me, so cool.
Except that my new roommate in a space of two weeks after meeting her asked asked me twice if I liked football. So the mind wheels got rolling on how and why women develop a liking for football. That is what this series is about + critiquing societal expectations.

Right now, I can name only a few football teams: Chelsea, Arsenal, Man U, Liverpool, Barcelona. Boy, am I brilliant or what?

I’m granting some female friends short interviews on this subject. I can’t fit them all into one post so its going to come in form of a series.
Happy reading.
The third in the series is here.

Odi
Odi is the reputable roommate who got this series started

1. When did you have your first football consciousness? Did you love it immediately?
I had my first football consciousness when I was 6 years while viewing the 2006 FIFA World Cup with my dad, uncles and my brother and I must say it was fascinating and I did love it immediately
2. Do you think having brothers or a father who loves football impacted your fancy?
I just personally seemed to love football and everything about it early on.
Having a brother made my interest in it grow as he made me play with him almost everyday during our childhood years because he usually had no one to play with. He happens to be the only male in four (4)children and the rest were not interested. We’d play different sports but majorly football. We even made it fun by holding tournaments and awarding each other medals.
3. How do you describe the reaction from both sexes when people discover you love football?
When I say I love football, the question that follows is “are you a tom boy? ” some even go as far as questioning me about my interest and football history so that they are able to ascertain if I’m joking or not. That is on a broad level though.
But individually, the girls are basically weirded out by it, some even disgusted, I remember the recent argument I had with some people and the reactions I got.
For the guys, it’s just expressions of shock that later turn to approving comments. Before now, I used to go to the male hostels just to watch a match I’m interested in. That is how much I appreciate the sport
4. I only watch it? Or I watch and play?
About four (4) years ago, the answer to both questions would have been affirmative but as of now I only watch and don’t play due to some circumstances. I have won various medals ranging from “man of the match” to even “the glove”. The most memorable moment for me was leading my house to clinche the gold medal during an interhouse sports event.
I play as a center forward which greats like Lionel Messi, Harry Kane, Romelu Lukaku also play. I hope to get back to it real soon.
5. On a wild trip(thought), do you mind marrying a guy who has no interest in football? Do you think it weird?
For me, I would marry a man that doesn’t watch football as long as he doesn’t despise it or even interferes with me watching it. Who knows, he might actually love it along the line.
Bonus question: what’s your football team?
I’m a Manchester United man for life.

I think I’ve mostly satisfied my curiosity with this third one. Wednesdays post is a twist to the concept.
I hope you enjoyed reading this. Don’t forget to comment, and share with others.
As always,
Debby.

Exposition: What is Impostor Syndrome? 

Educative 7 Comments


I’ve wanted to write this post since the inspiration first came. I once saw a person write “I am aware” in a space meant for complimenting yourself. I like that. I envy it; to be aware, informed, enlightened.
I learnt of the term Impostor Syndrome(IS) not so long ago.
It is a concept describing individuals who are marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud.
It’s common among high achievers. They believe their success isn’t well deserved.
I first got to learn of it when Mariam Olafuyi had an instalive session on Instagram sometime last year. Ever since then, I noticed it easily in books I read, I saw it on the internet. Simply put, I became conscious of it and discovered its been a long standing discovery.
It’s very easy to think of it as Low Self Esteem (LSE) but it isn’t. Someone asked a question on that instalive session on whether any difference existed between IS and LSE. She responded by saying they’re different. I’m paraphrasing her answer:

“It isn’t the same. I know I’m awesome. I think I’m pretty cool. I don’t doubt that. The issue is when opportunities come, I don’t think I’m best suited for them.”

Both concepts can rightly be said to be distant family relations, so far as you admit that they are different. IS doubts results produced, LSE doubts the worth of the person.
IS is also referred to as Impostor phenomenon or Fraud syndrome. One easy way to diagnose it is that while a part of you tells you that this explains that feeling you often have, another part tells you ‘No, you’re simply famzing the category, reading too much meaning into your inabilities, you probably just have poor output’.
The condition
The condition “Impostor syndrome” was first identified in the late 1970s by Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes. Their research showed that many high-achieving women tended to believe they were not intelligent and that they were over-evaluated by others.
IS is not rare, according to a study in the International Journal of Behavioral Science, it is estimated to occur to 70% of people from all walks of life, both men and women experience the impostor syndrome at some point in their careers.
Another study revealed almost 75% of surveyed students at Harvard Business School also felt like they were admitted due to some failure of the admission process.
Technology is growing so fast that most of us are learning something new on almost every project we work on. And that can make you feel like you don’t have the expertise you should have to rightfully be in that position.
I saw two Ted talks that I think shed more light on this concept. The speakers didn’t for once mention Impostor Syndrome but it was, in my opinion, close to their areas of concentration.
This by Sheryl Sandberg and This by Reshma Saujani.
Impostor syndrome is more common in women. Sheryl Sandberg, author of Lean In said:

“Men attribute their success to themselves while women attribute it to other external factors.
If you asked men why they did a good job, they’d say ‘I’m awesome, why do you bother asking?’ If you asked women, they’d say someone helped them; or they got lucky; or they did a good job…”

Another fact is that men are more likely to apply for a job in which they meet 60% of the requirements, while women will most likely not apply unless they meet 100% of the requirements.
This isn’t to fault the male folk in any sense, its simply to highlight the extent to which women lean back and why Impostor syndrome is consequently, more common in women.
Teaching women bravery instead of perfection, will go a long way in alienating IS because then you are taught to try.
My theory is that IS has gotten enough flesh to feast on because of our approach to a failed attempt. We all think ill of an attempt which didn’t turn out well. We should rather, think well of the courage that fuelled that attempt in the first place.
When that is accomplished, it goes to say when we do in fact succeed, it would not be sacrificed on the altar of “it just happened“, “I got help“, “ I was lucky“. It didn’t just happen. You did well. You succeeded. Believe it, own it.
Some of the tips to overcoming Impostor Syndrome include:

  • Keeping a file/folder of all the compliments you recieve on the work you do. You can always consult it to forge ahead on cloudy days.
  • Admitting that its impostor syndrome that’s preventing you from trying something new, from accepting your good work. Say it. Say it and it immediately becomes less of a threat.

“I own my own successes. I wear them as a badge. I have privileges but I’ve been able to leverage them. I’ve not done much but what I have done is substantial. I celebrate my work.”

There are a million other things you can learn about impostor syndrome and how to overcome it. A few helpful links: one and two. Research some more, the internet is (well, can be) your friend. Lol.

You may be immune to this, but you have a friend who isn’t. Share this post with them and stay enlightened.
I really hope this has been of help. If it has, do share. Have a great weekend and don’t forget to tell us what you think in the comment box.
Peace and Light,
Debby.