Okay today is the day! If I do not blog today I will stand in front of my campus fellowship and ask them to pray for me to fulfill divine purpose. Now that’s an ultimatum. *Sheepish grin*.
The above paragraph is not true. After typing this same post on my phone for so long, I left it as a draft post on WordPress since September 7 until today.
Now I’ll move on to the confession part, just not to the pair of eyes I’ll find in the fellowship but to the internet township.
I used to read blogs a lot. Then, I took a little decision and opened a blog of my own. I posted something then regretted it; the normalcy of it, it was average.
Compared to posts I read, there was nothing unique to draw you in. I battled the desire to delete it.
I didn’t. I still won’t. I will cling to my first WordPress post ever. When this is a decent enough blog with readers, I will cringe in embarrassment hoping nobody would scroll down well enough to find these posts. But then on an act of impulse, I’ll post the link to that first post because come what may, it was my first post online and not in the confines of my diary hence it deserves respect.
I refuse to be that servant in the Bible, Luke 19: 20ff. The one who gave the same excuses I’ve been giving. The one who didn’t use what was in his hands.
“And another came, saying, Lord, behold, here is thy pound, which I have kept laid up in a napkin.”
No more excuses. Yes, my room is a place that doesn’t allow strong internet connection except at night (strange queen Idia hall in UI).Yes, I know there are many more blog posts to read from other people. Still I can make it work.
This is what I wrote sometimes last week about my writing or rather my not writing:
” I feel I have so much impression and I can’t express it. I look around, ready stories bubbling, sputtering but as I try to express I remember the many I never finished, I remember my lean body of description compared to better writers and I fumble a bit then close off. I know, I can see the many disapproving glances you shoot me, the stinging encouraging words you hurl at me. I know. Really I do. I am just telling you how I feel about now.”
Now I would blog, not because I have it figured out. I will blog because I choose to. My resolve is the important part. I will write because I am a writer. I own my blog anyway.